聖誕前夜
那是你犯的第一個錯誤
Well, that was your first mistake.
你想 百貨公♥司♥是基於人們在逛商場時
You see, department stores are designed
不由自主地走順時針方向的
on the premise that people naturally travel
前提而設計的
in a clockwise direction.
如果走逆時針方向 你就會省很多錢
Go counterclockwise and you'll spend less money.
也許吧
Huh, maybe.
哇 我得到獎盃了
Whoohoo, I got a trophy.
我是詹姆斯
I'm James.
好的 詹姆斯 進來吧
Oh, right, James, come in,
坐下吧
sit down over there.
你是詹姆斯·哈里斯
James Harris?
是的
Yes.
我想要的是一份簽好的合同
I want a signed contract,
而不是一張聽意大利人嚎三個小時的門票
not tickets to hear somebody cry in Italian for three hours.
讓史蒂文接電♥話♥
Get Steven on the phone.
史蒂文在 倫敦 先生
Steven's in, um, London, sir.
今天可是平安夜
It's Christmas Eve there.
我問你倫敦現在的時間了嗎
Did I bloody ask you what time it was in London?
假如在結賬的時候 你除了付錢給收銀員
Now, what if, instead of paying for things
還可以給他講一個
with money, you could tell the cashier a story
你從沒講過的故事
that you've never told anyone before
故事越離譜 你能買♥♥的東西就越多
and the crazier it was, the more stuff you could buy?
故事一定要是真實的嗎
Would the story have to be true?
百分之百真實 不然你就完蛋了
100% or else you get tased.
等等 如果有腫瘤的話
No wait, if the tumor's there,
我們會切除的 對吧
we take it, right?
這纔是做手術的原因啊
That's why we operate.
你看過她的心臟 已經無力迴天了
You saw her heart, the damage was already done.
如果在覈磁共振檢查時能發現
If I'd have seen it on the MRI,
我就不會給她動手術了
I would have never opened her up.
你覺得這都沒關係嗎
And you're okay with that?
等一下
Whoa, ho, hold up!
就是那個
That there,
你們到底有什麼毛病
what's the problem with you people?
你們不知道什麼叫閣樓嗎
Don't you know what a penthouse is?
我不想一根柱子妨礙我的視線
I do not want a pillar obstructing my view!
恐怕這件事我們辦不到 先生
I'm afraid that's just not possible, sir.
我是說 我們可以這樣設計 但是我們就得
I mean, we could do it but we'd have to change
改變下面五層樓的設計
the five floors underneath.
正好 那五層樓都被我買♥♥下了
Well, it just so happens that I own those five floors
我還買♥♥了下面所有該死的樓層
and all the bloody floors beneath them.
我已經接通史蒂文了 先生
I have Steven on the phone for you, sir.
是我 史蒂文
Yeah, Steven?
由於帕弗裏克能源公♥司♥出現了
Do to unforeseen financial constraints
意料之外的財政緊縮
placed upon Pavlick energy
公♥司♥不得不進行整改
a reorganization's become necessary,
最終決定終止與詹姆斯·哈里斯的僱傭合同
which results in the termination of James Harris.
等等 等等
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
我是被解僱了嗎
I'm getting fired?
沒有 只是下崗而已
No, laid off.
但今天是平安夜啊
But it's Christmas Eve.
嘿 特克 怎麼了 兄弟
Hey, Turk, what's up, buddy?
什麼
What?
六到八週
Six to eight weeks?
我的天啊 那我的後衛怎麼辦啊
Oh my god! What am I gonna do for a running back?
我們要遲到了
We're gonna be late!
你忘記了嗎 我們每次都遲到
We're always late remember?
請各位快點上來
All aboard who's coming aboard.
快點 夥計們 抓緊時間
Hurry guys, hurry up!
冷靜點 夥計們 今天可是聖誕節
Just chill, guys, it's Christmas.
快點 我們出發了
Come on, dawn!
你想啊 好消息是 我們都是朋友
Okay, look at this, good thing we're all friends here.
雅各布怎麼辦
What about Jacob?
他不可能進得來 走吧
There's no way he'd fit in, just go.
快點 雅各布
Oh, come on, Jacob.
他最好快一點
He'd better hurry.
對不起 先生們 有病人需要轉移
Sorry boys, got a transport.
看啊 是羅伯茨醫生
Oh well, well, it's Dr. Roberts.
你好 救護車護士
Nurse ratchet.
等等 這不是那個...
Wait a minute, isn't that the same...
別擔心 她會昏迷兩個小時
don't worry, she'll be out cold for another two hours,
然後某個可憐的護士 不得不告訴她一個壞消息
then some poor nurse will have to break her the news
因爲你會離開很久
because you'll be long gone.
是的 她三十分鐘內就會出來
Yeah, she's supposed to be out in 30 minutes.
我會在二十六分鐘內趕到 只要地鐵能準時到站
I should be there in 26, assuming the subway's on time
同時人行橫道一路暢通
and the crosswalk signals are still set for commuter flow.
我現在不想談這件事
I don't want to hear that right now.
聽着 今天可是平安夜
Listen, it's Christmas Eve, we'll do it
這件事留到新年之後再說 行嗎
after the new year, okay?
我們一起喫午飯 然後讓新員工自我介紹
We'll have lunch, then we'll let the new guys
接着就關門過節了
introduce themselves and I'll cover the comp.
我有一個小問題 我正缺個後衛
Hey, quick question, I'm down a running back,
你覺得誰合適 莫雷諾...
who do you take, Moreno...
喂
Hello?
能聽見我說話嗎
Can you hear me?
先生 我想我提醒過你了
Um, sir, I just thought I'd remind you,
今天是你兒子的生日
it's your son's birthday.
而且今天是聖誕節 需要我用你的名字
And it's Christmas, should I send him a gift
給他送一份禮物嗎
in your name, maybe?
你真瞭解我
Reading my mind already?
發生什麼事了
What was that?
媽的
Shit!
出什麼事了
What the hell?
聖誕前夕
喬治的複印機維修店 天外救星
我的聖母瑪利亞
露皮塔 你在哪裏 回答我
- 情況不妙 - 情況一點也不妙
- That's not good. - That's not good at all
是我瞎了嗎
Am I blind?
誰知道發生什麼事了嗎
Anyone got any ideas?
我就知道 我會死在電梯裏
I always knew I would die in an elevator.
我希望你能 把我的骨灰 撒在我們公♥寓♥周圍
I want you to scatter my ashes over our apartment.
是撒在房♥頂上 還是樓梯和其他東西上
On the roof or like on the floors and stuff?
也許撒在魚缸裏會不錯
Maybe just in the fish tank,
每天撒一點
like a little each day.
就像是 你知道的 餵魚一樣
Just like, you know, a doo-doo-doo.
你知道嗎 人死之後的一年之中
Did you know your fingernails grow for like a year
指甲還是會生長的
after you're dead?
事實上 這件事是假的
Actually, that's a myth.
因爲身體的腐爛 皮膚的皺縮
As the body decomposes, the skin recedes,
顯得指甲好像在長一樣
making it appear as if the nails are growing,
但其實並沒有
but they're not.
剛剛是天才在說話 還是潔癖狂在接茬
Was that the brainiac or the clean freak?
我覺得應該是天才在說話
I think it was the brainiac.
潔癖狂的專業稱呼是
The proper term for clean freak
強迫症患者
is obsessive compulsive.
主要是用做形容詞
Used primarily as an adjective,
但有時候也當做動詞使用
but sometimes as a noun.
我經常洗手
So I wash my hands a lot.
你應該感謝我
You should thank me.
事情越來越捉摸不透了
This is getting freaky.
斯圖 你好 夥計
Stu, hey, dude,
是我
it's me.
外面發生什麼事了
Yeah, what's going on out there, man?
你在開玩笑吧 整個城市嗎
You're kidding me. The whole city?
你說什麼
What are you telling me?
殭屍入侵 我就知道最後會這樣
Zombies, I knew it would always end up like this.
你被暴走族撕破了臉
You getting your face ripped off by bikers
而我卻被困在電梯裏 請等等
and me stuck in an elevator with, hold please,
你叫什麼名字
what's your name?
小酒窩嗎
Dimples?
你剛剛說自己叫小酒窩嗎