♪ 我知道的 ♪
♪ I understand ♪
♪ 我都明白 ♪
♪ I understand ♪
♪ 姑娘們都癡迷於我 ♪
♪ Ladies, they love me ♪
♪ 因爲她們夠了解我 ♪
♪ They know me ♪
♪ 因爲我就是完美情人 ♪
♪ 'Cause I am the man ♪
♪ 我 我 我知道對你們來說 ♪
♪ I- I- I know it's hard ♪
♪ 要理解就宛若入墳 ♪
♪ For you to comprehend ♪
♪ 我知 我知 我知道的 ♪
♪ I unders- I unders- I understand ♪
♪ 爺什麼都有 ♪
♪ I got the mojo ♪
♪ 就讓姑娘們盡情地蹦躂吧 ♪
♪ Ladies they wanna hop on it like pogo ♪
♪ 一個個酸民裝聾做啞 ♪
♪ Haters act like they don't know ♪
♪ 還以爲自己有多瀟灑 ♪
♪ But they know though ♪
♪ 生活是一場熱舞 ♪
♪ Life is a dance ♪
♪ 而現在就是我的獨舞 ♪
♪ And this is my solo, uh ♪
♪ 姑娘們都癡迷於我 ♪
♪ Ladies, they love me ♪
♪ 因爲她們夠了解我 ♪
♪ They know me ♪
♪ 因爲我就是完美情人 ♪
♪ 'Cause I am the man ♪
♪ 我知道 ♪
♪ I understand ♪
♪ 我知道 我都明白 ♪
♪ I understand, I understand ♪
♪ 我知道 我都明白 ♪
♪ I understand, I understand ♪
♪ 我就是完美情人 ♪
♪ I am the man I am the man ♪
♪ 我都明白 ♪
♪ I understand ♪
起牀了 你準備好了嗎
Morning, bug. You ready?
我們開始吧
Let's get this show on the road.
媽 我能晚點起嗎
Give me a couple minutes, Mom?
今天不行 你早上有治療
Not today. You got early therapy.
好了 來吧
Alrighty, here we go.
一 二 起
That's one, two, buckle my bug.
我都不知道說了多少遍回收利用
And I don't know how many times we can go through recycling.
要把盒子拆開
You gotta break down your boxes.
你必須要把盒子拆開 知道嗎
You have to break down your boxes, you know?
還有回收利用太可笑了
And also, the recycling, it's ridiculous.
-你就不能出去轉轉嗎 -我得把你弄乾淨
- Can you go around just for today? - I gotta get you clean.
-這沒什麼不正常的 -是啊 媽
- It's perfectly normal. - You're right, Ma.
我都24歲了你還幫我洗蛋 真是太正常了
Twenty-four years old, you're washing my balls. It's perfectly normal.
就是太沒禮貌了 很多時候你可以
It just seems very, very rude. I mean, I don't know how many times
發郵件 短♥信♥或者打個電♥話♥
you can email and text and call.
我不可能同時出現在幾個地方
You know, I just can't, I can't go to everything.
我不喜歡去電影院
I actually don't like to go to the public movie theaters
你又不知道坐墊裏有沒有蟎蟲那些東西
because you don't know about bedbugs and stuff like that.
我可不想聽那些
I don't have to listen
青春期小孩和不懂禮貌的大人
to any rude teenagers or people
對着熒幕指指點點
talking to the screen.
有些時候
And you know how sometimes
有人在放預告片的時候
when people say something funny
講了個段子
during the trailer,
然後他們就會開始上頭
and then they start really feeling their oats,
覺得自己多牛逼似的講個不停
and they just keep it going
懂我意思嗎 他們應該見好就收
you know what I mean? They should just quit while they're ahead,
但是他們就是要講個不停 小心點
but they just keep on yapping. Careful.
-早 -早 莫
- Hey. - Hey, Mo.
你的頭髮很好看
You have lovely hair.
謝了
Thanks, man.
-早上好 莫 -早 薩拉 還好嗎
- Good morning, Mo. - Hey, Sarah, how's it going?
-挺好的 你呢 -很好
- Pretty good. How are you? - Good.
是你做的這張表嗎
Uhm, hey, did you do this new schedule?
是我
I did.
你不小心把新來的分給了貝琪
Oh, you accidentally put the new guy with Becky.
我可沒弄錯
Wasn't an accident.
莫 斯科蒂會發飆的
Mo, Scotty's going to freak out.
他可把我帶去了
Yeah, well, he led me into the ladies' room
電影院女洗手間
at the movie theaters is why.
不會吧 裏面有人嗎
No. Were there other people in there?
一開始沒有 但後來可能有電影散場了
Not at first, but then I guess some big movie let out,
就有一堆女人就不斷地進來
the women just kept on coming and coming and coming,
我只能待在裏面
so I just stayed in there.
接着大概是又有一部電影散場了
Then I guess another movie let out.
我在裏面待了45分鐘
It must have been 45 minutes.
我去了兩次洗手間
I went to the bathroom two times.
我這是在報復他
This is revenge.
早上好 斯科蒂
Hey, Scotty.
是斯科蒂嗎 你怎麼樣
Hey, is that Scotty? What's up, buddy?
-誰他媽的是馬特 -莫安排的表格
- Who the hell's Matt? - Mo did the schedule.
莫 你這個瞎傻屌♥
Mo, you blind douche fuck!
就因爲洗手間的事嗎 我在開玩笑哎
Is this about the ladies' room? That was a joke.
這更搞笑
This is funnier.
我是馬特·況 我是新來的
Hey, I'm Matt Kwong. I'm a new patient.
歡迎 在這簽字
Welcome. Just sign in right here.
去1號♥房♥間找貝琪 就在那兒
You're gonna be with Becky in room one, just right over there.
謝謝
Thank you.
借過
Excuse me.
♪ 我都知道 我明白的 ♪
♪ I understand I understand ♪
♪ 我就是完美情人 ♪
♪ I am the man I am the man ♪
♪ 我知道的 ♪
♪ I understand ♪
斯科蒂 早上好
Scotty. Morning.
怎麼了
What's the matter?
動起來
Look alive, boys!
好了 混♥蛋♥ 我們扯平了
All right, asshole, we're even.
往好的方面想
Uh, look at the bright side.
和雷納爾多在一起 你至少不會撐帳篷
At least with Renaldo, you don't pitch a tent during therapy.
這他媽是什麼意思
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
貝琪給你拉伸的時候羅尼看見了
When Becky was stretching you out last week, Ronnie walked by,
-說你當時下面在撐帳篷 -混♥蛋♥
said you were sporting a full- on panhandle. - That cocksucker.
讓我們看看你打得怎麼樣
Come on, let's see what you got, let's see what you got.
漂亮 就是這樣 加油 瑞克
Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Come on, Rick!
偷二壘
Steal second.
-你知道你在講什麼嗎 -不知道
- Do you know what you're saying? - Nah, not really.
完全不知道
Not at all.
加油 瑞克
Come on, Ricky!
-他媽的在開玩笑吧 -怎麼了
- Oh, you fucking kidding me? - What's going on?
-天吶 這傢伙 別是在逗我吧 -怎麼了
- Oh, my God. You fucking kiddin' me, this guy. - What?
-真不敢相信他也在這兒 -等下 你去哪
- I can't believe this guy. - Wait, where are you going?
你 肌肉男
Hey, yo, Biceps.
我就提醒你一句 我們這兒有規矩
Just so we're clear, there's a pecking order around here.
我是老大 你什麼也不是
The very top, me. Down at the very bottom, you.
貝琪是我的理療師 你去找長毛怪
Becky's my physical therapist. You get the hairy Spaniard.
哥們兒 又不是我排表的
I don't make the schedule, guy.
-你在幹嘛 -說啊 貝琪是我的
- What are you doing? - Say it! Becky's mine.
-你什麼毛病啊 -快說
- What is wrong with you, man? - Say it.
行 行 貝琪是你的
Yeah, yeah, Becky's yours.
-什麼鬼玩意兒 -還有 你那是老人椅
- Shit. - That's a grandma chair, by the way.
你看起來簡直滑稽至極 去換把新的吧
You look fucking ridiculous out here. Get yourself a new chair.
怎麼了 上啊
What's happening? Here we go.
他能成功嗎
He gonna make it?
-幹得好 -謝了
- Great job. - Thanks, baby.
你看什麼看
What are you looking at?
抱歉 兄弟 無意冒犯 就是
Sorry, man. No offense. Just...
牛逼 真有你的
damn. Good for you.
忍♥得很難受吧
You got it bad, huh?
-什麼 -下面快憋炸了吧
- For what? - Blue balls.
操 都快硬成化石了
Shit, man, try fossilized.
我有東西給你
I got something for you.
拿着
Here, take this.
這是什麼
What is this?
是能讓你美夢成真的東西
The answer to your prayers.
以後你會謝我的
You'll thank me later.
你會的
You will.
天堂堡壘
後會有期
你好 我叫菲利普 我是個殘疾人
Bonjour. My name is Philippe. I am physically disabled.
許多年來 我都沒有豔遇
For many years, I struggled with sexual encounters.