幽冥怪談
傑克 我做了 我真的做了
I did it, Jack. I did it.
你知道嗎 那事讓我渾身燥熱 興奮無比
And you know what? It got me hot.
不 我並非開玩笑
No, I'm not kidding.
那斧子進入他胸膛時卡爾
You should have seen the look on Carl's face...
臉上的表情你真該看看
when I buried that ax in his chest.
殺他比做♥愛♥幾乎還更刺♥激♥
Oh! Killing him was almost better than sex.
我說的是幾乎 對不對
I said almost, didn't I?
當我們花那個死鬼留下來的鉅款時我們會不知有多快樂呢
Oh! We are going to have so much fun spending all of his money,
對不對 寶貝
aren't we, baby?
光是想想這點...我就興奮得溼透了
Oh! Just thinking about it gets me all hot and squishy.
你說現在
You mean right now?
他現在躺在地窖裏面慢慢冷卻着呢
He's in the basement cooling off.
你怎麼那麼久
What took you so long?
老天 傑克 你搽的什麼牌子的古龍水...
Jesus, Jack, what kind of cologne...
停
Cut!
停 停...
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
你到底在幹嗎啊
What the hell are you doing?
你這樣叫砍人表演
You call that "hack-ting"?
沒錯 這我稱之爲表演
Well, yes, I do call it acting.
我跟你說清楚吧
Well, let me tell you something, pal.
你不是什麼科雷·庫珀 你也不是羅伯特·死人福
You're no "Gorey" Cooper. You ain't even a Robert "Deadford".
你再弄砸一次拍攝 我便把你碎屍萬段
Another take like that and it'll be back to bit parts for you.
要碎你多少塊我也不會透露給你
And I won't say what bits I'm talking about.
好了 各位 準備重新開工
Huh! All right, everybody. Reset!
-準備重新開工 -導演
-Reset, guys. Back to one. -Director...
這傢伙是從哪掘出來的
Where the hell did they dig this guy up?
我頂 頂頂...噢
I give and I give and I... Oh!
孩子們 大家好 真高興你們跟我一起
Hello, kiddies. So glad you could join me.
你們的老友記魔界守護者去了好萊塢發展了
Your old pal the Crypt Keeper has gone Hollywood in a big way.
想不想看看我在拍什麼
Care to see what I've been working on?
準備好了的話 爬到座位上坐好 接口水的杯子抓緊咯
So if you're ready, creeps, fasten your drool cups...
還有別忘了備好一個袋子準備接嘔吐
and hold on to your vomit bags
現在我們就進入電影
We're going to the movies.
各位怪物 準備攝影機 開始
Frights! Camera! Action!
我稱呼這一個故事爲...
I call this one...
魔鬼騎士
"Demon Knight".
既然已經煙消雲散
雲清氣爽
在那兒的人啊
便得以盡情觀看
你反擊 你正確
可惜他們太強壯
所以我說啊 嘿 老友 射得好
真射得好
嘿 寶貝
這才叫好
嘿 寶貝
來啊
Come on!
狗♥娘♥養♥的
Son of a bitch!
來吧 你這個混♥蛋♥
Come on, you son of a bitch!
見鬼
Shit!
糟了
Damn!
若早見到你有多好
現在卻終嫌太遲
之前你若已給我教導
如今便無需裝模作樣
若有人認爲您是夭折 便大錯特錯
以後的日子 他們便會嚐到苦果
歡迎光臨 新墨西哥 苦艾鎮
先生 你幹嗎 你是在偷我爸爸的車嗎
What ya doin', mister? Are you stealing my daddy's car?
偷
Stealin'?
不是 我只是試試你家車子的鎖好不好
No, I was testing the lock.
看來非常不錯哦
Seems to be working just fine.
給你個硬幣要嗎
Hey, kid. You want a quarter?
給 閃閃發光的新硬幣 要不要
How about a shiny new quarter? You want one? Come on.
爸爸 外面有人偷你的車
Dad, there's a guy outside stealing your car!
爸爸 快啊 快出來
Hey, Dad, hurry up! Get out here!
見鬼
Shit!
-霍默 快追啊 -他都走了
-Homer, go! -He's gone!
小子 聽聽這雷聲
Boy, listen to that thunder.
上帝今晚似乎思考挺多的
God's doing some serious thinking tonight.
他定是在說
I'll bet he's saying:
早知如此 便讓這世界由猴子來掌管更好
On second thought, maybe I should have given it all to the monkeys."
也許現在他要轉換心意也來得及
Maybe it's not to late.
我最討厭一個人喝酒了
I always hate drinking alone.
來點嗎
You want a taste?
好啊
Sure.
敬猴子
To the monkeys.
不是很醇 但後勁夠足
It ain't very subtle, but it does the trick.
你說會不會這麼碰巧 你知道哪能讓我歇息一夜呢
You wouldn't happen to know of a place where I could bed down, would you?
真是巧了 我的確是知道
Well, it just so happens, I do.
-兩輛車嗎 警長 -沒錯 梅維斯
-That's two cars, Sheriff? -That's right, Mavis.
其中一輛是馬里蘭的牌 另一輛是新澤西的
One of 'em's got Maryland plates, and the other one's from New Jersey.
無線電用語 OKay
-10-4 -10-4
-Ten-four? -Ten-four.
警長 你說得沒錯
You were right, Sheriff.
這倆混♥蛋♥時速一定過百纔會撞成這個樣子
Them sons of bitches must have been doing well over a hundred.
現在要開罰單也太遲了點了吧 鮑勃
Well, Bob, it's too late to give them a ticket.
不過如果你要覺得好過點 不妨對這堆灰燼開上幾槍
But, if it'll make you feel any better, you can shoot their ashes.
搞什麼...
What the...
見鬼
Holy shit!
先生 別靠近那裏
Hey, mister, get away from there.
-你哪來的 -這是我的車
-Where the hell you come from? -This is my car.
曾經是我的車吧 你們有沒有見到他
Was my car. Did you see him?
他進城去了嗎 我追着的那個傢伙
Walking into town, the guy I was chasing?
安全氣囊啊 還是挺有用的 你們有沒有看到他
Air bags, gotta love 'em. Did you see him?
-我們沒看到什麼人 -等等
-We didn't see anybody. -Now wait a minute.
你是說那輛車裏面的傢伙也逃生了
Are you telling me that guy over there walked out of here too?
你去哪 我們還要跟你錄口供呢
Where you goin'? You got a few questions to answer.
聽着 警官 我追趕的那位仁兄是危險人物
Look, Officers, the man I'm chasing is dangerous.
要是他進了你們的城裏 你們麻煩可就大了
If he's in your town, you got a problem.
在我們站在這裏討論交通意外之時 介意挪開電筒嗎
We stand here arguing about a traffic accident... Do you mind?
可能就有些恐怖之物去到...那裏了
Something awful's about to go down... over there.
我們要去的地方就是這 似乎是個教堂
Is that where we're going? It looks like a church.
就是這裏 曾經也是個教堂
That's it. Used to be a church.
不過不再是了
Ain't a church no more.
50年代它便不再成其爲教堂的使命 沒錢賺嘛
They decommissioned it in the 50s, due to lack of interest.
正是我要找的地方
Just the place I've been looking for.
開門咯 我帶生意來咯
Gangway, I'm bringing in business.
-什麼生意 -是...
-What kind of business? -Well...
科蒂麗亞他想找間房♥間自己住
I think he's looking for a room of his own, Cordelia.
-維利叔叔 你又喝酒了 -開玩笑
-You been drinking, Uncle Willy? -You must be kiddin'.
-艾琳 我絕對沒喝 -要住多久
-I'm clean as a whistle, Irene. -How long you wanting the room?
不知道 一晚或者兩晚吧 看情況
I don't know. One night, maybe two. Depends.
短期客不租 陌生客也不租
I never rent short-term, and I don't rent to strangers.
不過也有例外
But I... can make exceptions.
好
Okay.
住得開心點 那個...
Enjoy your stay, Mister...
史密斯先生
Mr. Smith.
潔麗琳 潔麗琳
Jeryline! Jeryline!
潔麗琳 快過來 馬上
Jeryline, I mean now!
我正幫你清潔爐子呢
Look, Irene. I'm trying to clean your stove.
你老是煩着我我怎麼完工啊
How do you expect me to get my work done if you keep bothering me?
你可真是辛勤啊 你那對橡膠手套還是白白淨淨 厲害
You've been working so hard with them clean rubber gloves?
帶史密斯先生到五號♥房♥
Show Mr. Smith up to number five.
見鬼...
Shit...
給他弄點晚餐
And then fix him some dinner.
這之後我再給你多點活幹
And after that, I got a few more jobs for you.
這回呢 我可是要親眼盯着你幹了
This time I'm gonna watch you.
我第一次對你有要求 你便給我好好幹
I want it right the first time, and that's all there is to it.
不聽話便滾蛋
It's my way or the highway.
好 好 隨便吧
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
好吧...有什麼需要問的
Alright, let's see... What do I need to tell you?
我看着的是什麼地方 哪邊是城鎮
What am I looking at? Which way is town?
城鎮在那邊 你看着的方向什麼地方都不是
Town is that way, and you're looking at nothing.
你來這兒我相信也不是觀光吧
But I'm sure you didn't come here for a view, did you?
但你的鑰匙...
But here's your key.
管♥理♥員♥ 馬上便把您的行李送到
And the concierge will bring up your bags momentarily.
沃利 我真不明白他們憑什麼炒你魷魚
I don't see how they could fire you, Wally.