禿景精神病院
他又來了
There he is again.
都快二十年了 他還是始終如一
Almost two decades and he still comes.
真難過
So sad.
兄弟 你好嗎
How you doing, buddy?
我帶了你最愛喫的糖果
Brought you all your favorite candies.
羅伊 忘了她吧
Come on, Lloyd, you gotta get over her!
天涯何處無芳草
Mary Samsonite was just a girl.
而且她結婚了
Besides, she's married.
就算你們沒分手
And even if it had worked out,
難道你會想生紅髮寶寶嗎
would you really want ginger babies? Ugh.
惡斃了
Gross.
老兄 拜託你有點反應吧
Man, you gotta give me something!
羅伊 我有重要的事要告訴你
Lloyd, I got something important to tell you.
我不能再來看你了
I can't come here anymore.
我生了嚴重的病
I got kind of a serious medical problem.
說來複雜
It's sort of complicated.
簡單來說 我未來幾個月會很忙
Basically, I'm gonna be pretty busy for the next few months.
反正你在這裏被照顧得很好
You're in good hands here. So...
你自己保重
take care, buddy.
羅伊 你有說話嗎
Lloyd, did you say something?
很好 你可以的 加油
That's it, kid. You can do it.
加油 說出來
Come on, come on, come on! Spit it out!
騙到你了
Got ya!
什麼
What?
你剛纔的表情好好笑
You should see the look on your face!
你被我騙得慘兮兮
I got you so good!
等一下
Wait a second!
意思是 你這二十年來都在裝病
Are you telling me that you were faking for 20 years?
對呀
Uh-huh.
還浪費了大好的青春歲月
So you mean that you just wasted the best years of your life?
拋出窗外了
Out the window!
我連續上千個禮拜每星期三都來
And you let me come here every Wednesday for, like, a thousand weeks,
全都是爲了整我
and it was all just for a gag?
對呀
Uh-huh.
這真的
That's
超屌♥
awesome!
屌♥爆了吧
I know!
你必須承認 你完全被我騙慘了
You gotta admit, I totally had you suckered, didn't I?
我完全上當了
Hook, line and sphincter!
坐着這麼多年腿有點沒力了
Legs are a little rubbery after all that time sitting here.
推我進去
Why don't you roll me inside?
請護士幫我拔尿管
We'll get the nurse to take the catheter out of me. Oh.
我想看看我還能不能直接尿出來
I wanna see if my lizard's still spitting straight.
不需要護士 我來就好了
We don't need nurses for that. I know how to do it.
但不是應該要...
But don't you have to...
天吶
Oh, God!
這導尿管是生根了吧
That thing's really taken root!
你們過來
Hey, fellas!
-幫幫我 -好
-Give me a hand over here. -Si.
一起把尿尿的管子拔♥出♥來♥
Yankos los pee-pee.
你確定這樣可以嗎
Are you sure about this, Har?
這種事通常要找醫生來做
Usually, doctors like to do this sort of thing.
那是爲了保險起見
Oh, that's just for insurance purposes.
數到三就拉 三
On three. Three!
阿呆與阿瓜2
爵士與藍調 老張蛋卷與爵士樂
你真是個天才 羅伊
You are a fricking genius, Lloyd!
這種把戲沒人使得出來
I mean, nobody else could have pulled that off!
保證沒有
Nobody!
休克治療和局部腦葉切除手術
I mean, the shock treatments, the partial lobotomy!
-做得真徹底 -對啊
-That's commitment! -Yeah.
免得生活太無聊
It broke up the monotony.
但有件事我不懂
One thing I don't get, though.
幹嘛一裝就是二十年
Why did you play it out for 20 whole years?
因爲太早破梗就不好笑了
Because it wouldn't have been funny if I stopped too soon.
笑點要抓時機 哈利
Comedy is all about timing, Har.
是的 但裝個十年不夠嗎
Yeah, but wouldn't it still have been funny if you quit after 10 years?
是可以 但沒這麼屌♥
Oh, definitely. But not as!
可愛的鳥兒
Pretty bird.
-媽媽咪呀 -可愛的鳥兒
-Crap on toast! -Pretty bird.
-住4C的比利長這麼大了 -對啊
-Is that grown-up Billy in 4-C? -Uh-huh.
西斯可 告訴我電影名句
Come on, Siskel, give me a movie quote.
《甜心先生》的名句是什麼
What did they say in Jerry Maguire?
"你打招呼時我就愛上你了"
"You had me at hello."
《泰坦尼克號♥》
Um, Titanic?
"我是世界之王"
"I'm king of the world."
你好棒
Good job!
我們偷偷走過去
We better tiptoe past him.
你不能偷偷走過瞎子面前
Oh, no, you can't tiptoe past a blindy.
他們的聽力太好
Their hearing's too good.
什麼
What?
那是無稽之談
That's just an old wives' tale.
就好像女人懷孕不應該抽菸一樣
Like women shouldn't smoke during pregnancy.
我就長得很好 我媽抽到像支菸囪了
I turned out fine. My mom smoked like a chimney.
尤其她喝酒時一定要抽菸
Especially when she was drinking!
隨便啦 那不重要
Whatever. Doesn't matter.
比利已經把家裏恢復原狀了
Billy's over the whole Petey thing.
你應該看看他的公♥寓♥
You should see his apartment.
他收藏的稀有鳥類是羅德島第一
He's got the best rare bird collection in Rhody!
這我倒要看看
I gotta see this.
比利
Hey, Billy!
聽說你收藏了很多鳥
I hear you got a lot of flocking birds.
羅伊 是你嗎
Is that you, Lloyd?
不錯嘛
Very good.
沒想到過了這麼多年你還認得我
I didn't think you'd recognize me after all these years.
你最近在忙什麼
So what have you been up to, buddy boy?
有沒有看什麼好電影
Seen any good movies lately?
我是說...
I mean, you know, like...
聽廣播啦
On the radio?
那是什麼
What was that?
你是不是喂他們喫什麼
Did you just feed them something?
放心啦
Relax.
只是一點糖果
It's just a little candy.
不能喂鳥喫糖果
You can't feed candy to birds!
肚子會爆♥炸♥
Their stomachs will explode!
就算是跳跳糖也不行
Even if it's just a few Pop Rocks?
你是神經嗎 撿起來
Are you crazy? Pick those up!
-撿起來 -好嘛
-Pick them up! -All right, all right!
真是
Sheesh.
很高興能和你敘舊
Well, nice catching up.
改天見
See you later.
除非讓我先看到你
Not if I see you first!
這個好笑
Ha-ha! Good one!
沒事了 西斯可
No, no, no, it's okay, Siskel.
爸爸不會讓他們靠近你的
Daddy's not gonna let him get anywhere near you.
你看 我就說瞎子聽力好
See? I told you that hearing thing
是無稽之談
was a wives' tale.
他是誰
Hey, who's this? Ah.
他叫屁♥眼♥
That's Butthole.
幾年前在巷口撿到的
I found him out in the alley a couple years ago.
爲什麼叫他屁♥眼♥
Why did you name him Butthole?
因爲他有這個
Because of this.
取得好
Oh, yeah. Good name.
超貼切
Totally fits.
我喜歡這裏的佈置
I like what you've done with the place.
這臺咖啡機不錯
Nice cappuccino machine.
那個太空人是誰
Who's the astronaut?
我室友
Oh, that's my roommate.
室友
Roommate?
你有新室友
You got a new roommate?
你住院我要找人