好棒
Yeah!
真爽啊 大人
Yes, my lord.
操♥我♥吧
Oh, yeah. Fuck me!
我就在操你
I'm fucking you!
像亞瑟王一樣操♥我♥
Fuck me like King Arthur!
什麼
Eh?
像亞瑟王一樣操♥我♥
Fuck me like King Arthur.
-他有80歲了吧 -是嗎 那
- He was about 80, wasn't he? - Was he? Then...
像蘭斯洛特爵士一樣操♥我♥吧
Fuck me like Sir Lancelot.
沒錯
Yeah!
這樣還差不多
That's more like it!
我就是蘭斯洛特爵士
I am Sir Lancelot,
他媽的圓桌騎士
knight of the fucking round table!
蘭斯洛特 你能行的
Come on, Lancelot! You can do it!
加把勁
Come on!
你♥他♥媽♥是誰
Who the hell are you?
你是本•萊克嗎
Are you Ben Lyk?
-不是 -天啊 本
- No... - Jesus, Ben,
別騙他 他可是有槍呢
don't lie to him, he's got a gun!
他老婆派你來的嗎
Did his wife send you?
我的天
Oh, God!
等等
Wait!
求你了
Please!
你弄錯了
You've made a mistake.
我老婆經常在外出差 我很寂寞
My wife has been away on business a lot, I was lonely.
我從來沒惹過麻煩
I've never been in trouble before!
而且我開豐田普銳斯的
I drive a Prius!
你是不是認錯人了
You have me mistaken with somebody...
操
Fuck.
-你名字怎麼拼 -什麼
- How do you spell your name? - What?
你名字是怎麼拼的
How do you spell your name?
本·萊克
殺了
盆友們好 我是本
Hi gang, Ben here...
童鞋們 我有個大事件要告訴你們
Hey peeps, got some big news for you...
我有個 不
I've got... No, it's...
大家好
Yo!
我是小本 我要告訴你們一些事
This is Benji, coming at you with some more news...
真誠一點就好
Just be genuine.
大家好 萊克粉 我來啦
Hey "Lykers", it's me.
抱歉我今天有點不在狀態
Sorry if I'm not myself today
因爲發生了一件糟糕的事
but something terrible has happened.
一般來說不是每天都可以在新聞上
It's not everyday that you check the news to discover
倫敦的本•萊克被發現死亡 享年48歲
發現自己被殺了的消息
you have been murdered.
頭部中槍
Shot in the head.
一樣的名字 同一座城市 在家裏
Same name, same city, at home.
有一瞬間我還以爲是我被殺了
For a split second I actually thought I'd been killed.
還結了婚
And was married.
總之
Anyway...
這太讓我震驚了 真的
Really shaking me up, guys. As it would.
我也不知道我該作何感受
And I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel.
你們會怎麼想呢 萊克粉們
How would you feel, "Lykers"?
如果和你們同名的人被殺了你們會怎麼想
How would you feel if your namesake had been killed?
我想和你們聊一聊
So I want you to get in touch, guys.
我想聽聽你們對此事有何看法
I want to hear what you've got to say about all this.
我想和你們聊一聊
I want you to get in touch, guys.
我想聽聽你們對此事有何看法
I want to hear what you've got to say about all this.
我不知道你擔心些什麼
I don't know what you're worried about.
我再放一次吧
I'll play it again, shall I?
你看起來不錯 就是有點累的感覺
You look fine! A bit tired.
我纔不擔心這茬
I'm not worried about looking tired.
大家好 萊克粉 又是我
Hey, "Lykers", it's me.
抱歉我今天有點不在狀態
Sorry if I'm not myself today...
-也不是累 -不是嗎
- No, not tired... - Not tired?
性感
Sexy?
-疲勞又性感嗎 -是啊
- Tired and sexy? - Yeah!
像個筋疲力盡版的瑞安·戈斯林
Like an exhausted Ryan Gosling kind of thing?
《戀戀筆記本》的男演員 和男主長得有點像
-也不完全是 -這個說法我接受
- No, not exactly... - I can live with that.
羅伯託 萬一這殺手搞錯了怎麼辦
Roberto, what if the killer made a mistake?
你是說本來他想射膝蓋的
Like he was aiming for the knees
可是卻射臉上了
and got him in the face?
不是 我是說他殺錯人了
No... As in he got the wrong man.
我給你描述個情景
Let me paint a scenario for you, okay?
我是個殺手 我收到了一個郵件
I'm a hitman and I get an email
寫着"殺掉倫敦的本•萊克"
saying "kill Ben Lyk in London".
或者其他類似的內容
Or something to that effect.
我也不知道 我從來沒要求別人殺過人
I have no idea, I've never ordered someone dead.
我沒有那麼聰明
I'm not that smart.
我查了一下"倫敦的本·萊克"
I google "Ben Lyk London".
選了列表上第一位本•萊克
I pick the first Ben Lyk on the list.
然後砰
And bang!
我♥幹♥掉了個錯誤的目標
I've waisted the wrong man.
這種事情他們應該不會發郵件吧
I'm not sure they'd be emailing each other about all this.
不
No!
萬一那人本來是想讓我挨子彈的呢
What if the bullet was meant for me?
有句話說
You know what they say:
"在某個地方有顆子彈已瞄準你"
"somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it".
是嗎
Right...
行吧 那我和你說
Alright, if I'm being totally honest...
-對 請說 -老實話吧
- Yeah, please. - With you...
有時候 你的視頻也不是
Sometimes, your videos aren't always...
那麼好看 但是
that amazing. But...
這該死嗎
Do you deserve to die?
也許呢
Maybe.
你得好好提高下你的教養了
You really have to work on your manners.
這時候最好有點同情心
A little sympathy would be nice.
和我同名的人可是被殺了
My namesake's just been killed.
你怎麼這樣 小羅
Honestly, Robbie!
對你的遭遇我感到遺憾
Sorry for your loss?
好多了
That's better.
-是孔夫子還是陶 -你好 本
- Was it Confucius or was it Tao... - Hey, Ben!
你好
Hi!
你好啊
Hi, there!
看到了嗎 人們都開始知道我是誰了
You see that? People are starting to know who I am.
剛剛那是安娜
No, that was Anna.
所以呢
So?
她是你的鄰居
She's your neighbour.
我當然知道她是我鄰居
Yes I know she's my neighbor
但是感覺有點不同了
but there's something different
就是她打招呼的方式
about the way she's saying hello.
-眼睛裏有星星 -纔沒有
- There's a glint in the eye. - No.
我覺得她看過我視頻了
I reckon she's seen my videos.
-她是個鄰居 -她是個萊克粉
- She's a neighbour! - She's a "Lyker".
你知道我現在有多少瀏覽量了嗎
Do you know how many hits I've got, now?
上千
Thousands!
當西漢姆隊輸給了切爾西隊該怎麼做
大夥兒 才4個零 你們還是能贏的
Come on, lads! It's only four nil. You can still make it!
足球比賽
纔怪
Or not!
當你困在巴黎的時候
What to do when you're stuck in Paris...
在巴黎有什麼可做
先來和這位新同伴打聲招呼
Anyway, let's say hello to my new companion, here.
你好 你在這等多久啦
Hi there! How long have you been waiting?
戴夫 這有個傢伙來找事
Dave, this bloke's trying it on.
-不 不是 -那是我老婆
- Oh, no! - That's my wife.
那當然 我只是個視頻博主 別擔心
It's perfectly alright. I'm a vlogger, don't worry.
我注意到你們的口音 你們是哪裏人
I've noticed an accent, where are you from?
這是我老婆
That's my wife!
但人們一直在打你 不是嗎
But people keep hurting you, no?
是啊 但這可是商機
Yeah, well... It's a niche.
雖然是有點痛 但你得承認這樣有效果
It might hurt a bit, but you've got to admit it's working.
是嗎