邁阿密 1985年
嘿 你們的槍有許可麼
Hey, you got a permit for those guns?
老子現在就找你要許可
I got your permit right here.
小調挺上口嘛
Catchy tune.
什麼破逼遊戲
Fuck this game.
操♥你♥媽♥
Fuck you!
我們需要支援 我們需要功怒
We need backup, we need Kung Fury.
對 那是我的二頭肌
Yeah, that's my bicep.
等一下 寶貝
One second babe.
你好
Hello?
我們這有一臺發了瘋的遊戲機
We got an arcade machine down here going crazy,
在街上見人就殺 簡直是破壞 混亂 恐怖
it is killing everybody, it's destruction, chaos, terror-
你打算怎麼辦
What are you gonna do?
幹活兒
My job.
遊戲結束
Game over.
我是個警♥察♥ 混得巨牛逼
I'm a cop and damn good at my job.
一切要從幾年前說起
It all began years ago.
在一次執勤過程中
In the line of duty,
我和搭檔一起抓捕
me and my partner were chasing down
一個神祕功夫大♥師♥
a mysterious Kung Fu-master.
你被捕了 廢柴
You're under arrest, punk.
把手伸出來
Show us your hands.
幹得好 阿龍
Good work, Dragon.
你那個瘋狂特技差點害死咱倆
You could have killed both of us with that crazy stunt.
不過 你♥他♥媽♥真是我最棒的搭檔
But goddammit, you're the best partner I've ever had.
謝謝 還是我的師♥傅♥厲害
Thanks, I learned from the best.
你像我的父親一樣
You're like a father to me.
他給了我搭檔 致命的一擊
With one fatal blow, he hit my partner.
我當下就知道他死挺了
I could tell he was dead straight off.
在開槍之前
Before I could pull the trigger
我被閃電擊中又被眼鏡蛇咬傷
I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra.
我昏了過去
I blacked out.
看到了古代少林寺的畫面
And saw images of ancient Shaolin temples and monks,
僧人們在施展着功夫
mastering the art of Kung Fu.
自古流傳着一個預言
There was an ancient prophecy,
是說一種非常強大的功夫
about a new form of Kung Fu so powerful,
只有一個人能夠駕馭
only one man could master it.
就是那個被選中的那個人
The chosen one.
當我醒過來的時候
When I woke up,
我看到那個功夫大♥師♥向我衝過來
I saw the Kung Fu master running towards me.
我能感覺到自己的身體發生變化
I could feel my body mutate
成了某種功夫奇才
into some sort of Kung Fu freak of nature.
你
You!
你是被選中的那個
You are the chosen one!
- 叩叩 - 是誰啊
- Knock, knock. - Who's there?
鐵拳
Knuckles.
作爲紀念
As a memento,
我係上了死去的功夫大♥師♥ 身上一塊布條
I put on a strip of cloth from the dead Kung Fu master.
我決定用新的超級功夫
I decided I would use my new super Kung Fu powers
去打擊犯罪
to fight crime.
於是 我就成了世上最出色的警♥察♥
So, I became the best cop in the world.
我成爲了 功怒
I became, Kung Fury.
我可不想聽你解釋 功怒
I don't wanna hear it Kung Fury.
我剛從市政廳回來 說你造成了五千萬的損失
I just got back from city hall, $50 million worth of damages,
市長給我一通臭罵
and I got the mayor up my ass
跟他媽基佬剛喫完偉哥似的
like a fag on Viagra.
我怎麼跟媒體解釋這件事 嗯
How am I going to explain this to the press, hm?
你♥他♥媽♥毀了一整個街區
You just destroyed an entire city block for Christ's sake.
不是你說讓我阻止它的嘛
Didn't you tell me to block it out?
我是讓你按規矩辦事
I told you do it by the book.
別廢他媽話了
Cut the bullshit.
你知道 除了我沒別人
Nobody else could have stopped
能阻止那個遊戲機
that arcade machine and you know it.
你聽我說 功怒
Oh man, listen to me Kung Fury.
你得開始像我們一樣 照章辦事
You need to start following the rules like the rest of us,
所以我給你安排了個新搭檔
so I'm assigning you a new partner.
什麼 拉倒吧 我一向都是單打獨鬥
What? Hell no, I work alone.
以後就不是了
Not anymore you don't.
跟你的新搭檔打個招呼 三角龍警♥察♥
Say hi to your new partner, Triceracop.
非常高興見到你功怒
Very nice meeting you Kung Fury,
很期待和你一起工作
looking forward to working with you.
你就像我的父親一樣
You're like a father to me.
我一向單打獨鬥
I work alone.
要麼你跟三角龍警♥察♥合作
Either you team up with Triceracop,
要麼你就停職吧
or you're off the case.
我不要停職
I'm not off the case,
老子不幹了
I quit.
對 對 我驗完血了
Yeah Yeah, I did the blood test.
是陽性的 對吧
It was positive, yeah?
你♥他♥媽♥說什麼呢
What the hell are you talking about?
好 沒問題
Yeah no problem.
電♥話♥給我
Give me the phone.
這什麼玩意兒
What the hell is this?
- 我是邁克尼克斯首長 - 是警♥察♥局麼
- Chief McNickles speaking. - Is this the police?
- 沒錯 是警♥察♥局 - 幹♥死♥你♥
- Yeah, this is the police. - Fuck you!
出故障了麼
Malfunctioning?
快來人給我追蹤那個電♥話♥
I need someone to trace that call!
那是不可能的
But that's impossible!
對我來說就是可能的
Not for me it isn't.
駭客俠
駭客俠 他是有史以來最強的駭客
Hackerman, he's the most powerful hacker of all time.
跟我來
Follow me.
我能通過三角定位那個手♥機♥的信♥號♥♥
I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal
來追蹤打電♥話♥的人
and trace the caller.
他的名字是阿道夫·希♥特♥勒♥
His name is Adolf Hitler.
希♥特♥勒♥ 他是有史以來最邪惡的罪犯
Hitler, he's the worst criminal of all time.
你認識他麼 長官
Do you know him, sir?
我覺得算認識吧
I guess you could say that.
在四十年代 希♥特♥勒♥是功夫之王
In the 1940's, Hitler was a Kung Fu champion.
他很擅長功夫
He was so good at Kung Fu,
還覺得給自己改名爲功夫之王
that he decided to change his name to Kung Fuhrer.
但他並不滿足於此
But he didn't stop there.
他知道關於功怒的預言
He knew of the Kung Fury prophecy,
於是想將那門功夫據爲己有
and wanted to claim the throne.
他還有他的納粹士兵們
He and his posse of Nazi soldiers
做了很多年的實驗研究
conducted experiments for years.
但還是沒能領會
But they weren't able to figure out
駕馭功怒的奧妙所在
how to master the art of Kung Fury.
直到有一天
And one day,
他從這個世界消失了
he disappeared from the face of the earth.
從那之後再也沒有人見過他
And no-one has seen him ever since.
直到現在
Until now.
我想他是覺得只要能殺掉那個被選中的人
I guess he figured if he could find and kill the chosen one,
他自己就會成爲功怒了
he would become Kung Fury himself.
他一定是穿越了時間來到這裏
He must have traveled in time in order to get here,
這可能就是他消失了的原因
that's probably why he disappeared.
那你打算怎麼辦
So, what're you gonna do?
幹活兒
My job.
我要穿越回納粹時期的德國
I'm gonna go back in time to Nazi Germany,
宰了希♥特♥勒♥ 一勞永逸
and kill Hitler, once and for all.
那 你怎麼才能做到呢
So, how are you gonna do that?
我不知道
I'm not sure.
我需要個時光機什麼的
I need some sort of time machine.
稍等一下
Wait a minute,
利用RX調節器 我或許能用
using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct
一部主機黑進上行線路進入下行線路
a mainframe cell direct and hack the uplink to the download.
那是什麼意思
What does that mean?
只要算法♥正♥確 我可以黑進時間 把你弄回去
With the right algorithms, I can hack you back in time.
就像時光機一樣
Just like a time machine.
那好 那咱們開始吧
Well then, it's hacking time.
您將要黑進時間 確定麼
哦 不