我們的父親一定比你們的厲害
Our dad could have beat the shit out of your dad.
我沒吹牛 這就是事實
I'm not bragging, it's just a fact.
你可能聽說過人頭重超過11磅
You may have heard that the human head weighs 11 pounds
脖子就會支撐不住
and the neck shouldn't be able to support it.
但是我爸的鬍子就有12磅重
Our dad's mustache alone weighed 12,
而且他的脖子屁事沒有 因爲那就像他的第三塊二頭肌一樣
his neck didn't give a shit, because it was basically a third bicep.
他開着輛福特350
He drove an '89 350.
一加侖才跑十英里
Got ten miles to the gallon,
但是他通過種花讓我媽每天都能收穫一束鮮花
but he offset his carbon footprint by growing our mom
而且也抵消了自己制♥造♥的二氧化碳
a fresh bouquet of flowers every single day.
那輛車我現在都還在開
I still drive it.
他和我媽有三個男孩
Him and our mom had three boys.
亞當 也就是我 還有蒂姆和凱文
Adam, that's me, Tim, and Kevin.
我們三個人一起
With our powers combined,
都沒有把他打倒
we never once got him to the ground,
蒂姆高中還得過州冠軍摔跤手
and Tim was a high school state champion wrestler in junior high.
每年夏天 我們都會去他自己赤手空拳建造的小屋
Every summer, we'd go to the cabin he built with his bare hands,
懦夫纔要使用工具
because tools are for cowards,
他教育我們
and he showed us everything there was to know
如何成爲一個男人
about being a man.
如何生火 如何砍樹 如何制♥服♥熊
Building fires, chopping down trees, subduing bears.
你知道 這些都是基礎
You know, the basics.
他稱這個爲“男子漢營地”
He called it "Man Camp",
然而我16歲的時候
and then when I was 16 years old,
他碰到了一件他無法戰勝的難題
he ran into the one thing that he couldn't take down
就算他扔斧頭技術世界一流
with his world class ax throwing abilities.
他得了癌症
He got cancer.
在幾個月內
And within months,
行走星球的最偉大的人走了
the greatest man to walk the planet was gone.
現在 你父親可能還活着
Now, your dad might still be alive,
但是如果他們也去了天堂
but if they ever do throw down in Heaven,
我不知道這些如何運作
or you know, I don't how all that's going to work,
但是如果是這樣的話
but if they do,
我們的父親絕對會比你們的父親厲害
our dad will absolutely beat the shit out of your dad.
傑夫 大衛·曼恩 追悼會
12年後
一位被深愛着的 丈夫 父親 2006年
我們今天能不這樣做嗎
Can we not do this today?
別舔了 喫掉
Stop licking it, eat it.
如果你喜歡這個味道 那就喂到嘴裏
If you like the taste, then put it all the way in.
如果你喜歡它的味道 就喫到肚肚裏面去
If you like the way it tastes, then put it in your belly.
看着我 你現在把那燕麥粥喫了
Look at me, you eat that oatmeal right now.
放進嘴裏 然後吞下去
You put it in your mouth and you swallow it
不然我就拿走你的毛毯
or I will take your blankie
我會像馮·特拉普上尉燃燒納粹旗幟一樣燒掉它
and I will burn it like Captain von Trapp burning the Nazi flag.
你聽得懂這個嗎 小心我把你丟掉 小傢伙
Do you understandI can get rid of you in a second, bud.
轉角處可就有孤兒院
They got orphanages on every corner.
我還以爲早餐大戰早結束了
I thought the breakfast battle would be over by now.
嘿 這傢伙是親生的麼 因爲我不這麼認爲
Hey, is this thing ours, because I'm not,
我對此不太確定
I'm not feeling super sure about it.
你看到他從我身上出來的
You saw him come out of me, so.
確實 我確實看到了 健身怎麼樣
Indeed, indeed I did. How was the gym?
啊 我碰到了克里斯汀 你知道
Ugh, Kristen, you know,
就那個讓我只喫三個星期的益生菌
the one who is only eating raw bacteria
說是平衡我的陰♥道♥菌羣
for three weeks to reset my vagina?
又纏着我說她的金字塔計劃（龐氏騙局）
Cornered me about her pyramid scheme again.
-你進了金字塔 寶貝 -不 寶貝 我沒有
- Did you get in the pyramid, babe- No, I did not, babe.
寶貝 你真的有機會進入金字塔
Babe, you got a chance to get in a pyramid,
那你一定要去 哪裏可有無盡的寶藏 寶貝
you get in there, you get that forbidden treasure, babe.
哦 你個笨蛋
Oh, you're dumb.
-你開始爲旅行打包了嗎 -是的
- Did you start packing for your trip yet- Yeah.
是啊
Yeah, yeah?
你怎麼了 這可是男子漢營地周啊
What is the matter with youIt's Man Camp Week!
通常大家都像 “哦 把這肉煮了
Usually you're all like, "Oh, cook up this meat!
拿杯啤酒給我 撓一下我的蛋
Grab me a beer, scratch my balls.
是的 ”
Yeah."
-哇 -哇 我就是這樣的嗎
- Whoa! - Wow, that's what I'm like?
是的 當你和你的兄弟在一起時 是的
Yeah, when you're with the your brothers, yes.
好吧 我有點厭倦了
Well, I'm just a little tired of being
當家裏唯一的成年人
the only adult in the family, you know?
最近幾年 我就像保姆一樣
It's been like babysitting the last few years.
沒事沒叫你 Artiz 我就是舉個例子
Not now, Artiz, I'm trying to make a point.
真的麼
Really?
聽着 你能不能
Listen, can't you just,
就像 你來做那個惡人 給他們說 我不能去嗎
like, crack the whip and tell me I can't go?
-當那個惡...人 -是的
- Crack... the whip- Yeah.
-你知道 -哦 嗯
- You know, the whip. - Oh, ugh, mm.
好多妻子都這麼做
Lots of wives do it.
你真噁心 不
You're disgusting and no,
我不會終結你們12年來
I'm not going to let you end your 12 year tradition
在小屋裏紀念你父親的傳統的 好嗎
of celebrating your dad's life at the cabin, okay?
現在 我要去洗個澡
Now, I'm going to go shower.
我早上挺累的了 好嗎 清理一下這些吧
I've had a morning, okayClean this up, please.
- 謝謝 - 好的 再見
- Thank you. - Okay, bye.
- 再見 我愛你 - 愛你
- Bye, I love you. - Love you.
哦 寶貝呃 我們得燒掉馬克斯的毯子
Oh, hey, babeUh, we got to burn Max's blankie.
我再不拿出點威嚴他會不聽我的話的
I can't afford to make another idle threat.
- 玩得開心 再見 -再見
- Have fun. Bye. - Bye.
別喝太醉了
Don't get too drunk.
- 我會的 - 好的
- I will! - Okay.
去吧...走吧
There... there you go.
你到底想要什麼 老兄這才早上10:00
What the hell do you want, manIt's like 10:00 in the morning.
是的 夥計 這不算早 蒂姆在嗎
Yeah, man, that's not early, so is Tim around?
-蒂姆 居民蒂姆 -是的
- Tim, resident Tim- Yeah.
是的 沒有人來找過蒂姆
Yeah, nobody comes in just to see Tim.
不是沒有人 是從來沒有
Not nobody, not no how.
是的 老兄 我是他的哥哥
Yeah, man, I'm his older brother, so.
哦 兄弟 你爲什麼不早說 進來
Oh, bro, why didn't you say soCome on in.
這是蒂姆總統的海報上的那個傢伙
This guy from the President Tim poster.
嘿 老兄 我看到了你妻子的照片
Hey, man, I saw a picture of your wife.
- 是麼 -是的 就在那
- Did you- Yeah, it's right there.
關於蒂姆的五件事 我不喜歡邋遢 我體脂率爲0 男孩們都想成爲我N女孩們都想和我約會 我的嫂子非常好看
這實際上是你和你妻子的照片
It's actually a picture of you and your wife.
沒有一天 我不後悔
Not a day goes by that I don't regret
讓那個小傢伙離開我
letting that little one off the hook.
我 我不知道你的意思 什麼
I, I don't know what you mean, what?
我和凱蒂
Me and Katie,
我們...有過一段
we were a... a thing.
好吧 那這個呢
All right, what about this?
讓我們開始吧
Let's get the starty parted!
埃裏克·布林克霍夫
Eric Brinkerhoff?
正是在下
In the flesh.
凱蒂·貝克嫁給了我
Katie Baker is married... to me.
-蒂姆 - 亞當
- Tim. - Adam!
-兄弟 -兄弟
- Bro! - Broski.
-賢弟 -大鍋
- Broski- Brocahontas.
-熊弟 -燻弟
- Brocapontas. - Brontosaurus.
-雄...弟兒 -兄兄兄弟兒
- Brohannesburg. - Bone browth.
-兄那個弟 -親愛的兄弟兒
- Saxobrone. - Dearly bebrothed.
-小兄弟 -大胸弟
- Broner. - Potato potahbro.
-兄那個巴子的弟 -熊弟兒
- Bronze Julius. - Broreos and milk.
兄弟 兄弟 兄弟
Brone, brone, brone, brone
兄弟 兄弟 兄弟
Brone, brone, brone
兄弟 兄弟
Brone, Brone
兄弟 兄弟 兄弟
Brone, Brone, Brone
-怎麼了 夥計 -昨晚你沒參加聚會嗎
- What's up, dude- Did you skip the party last night?
嗯 我並沒有很生氣的
Uh, I wasn't really in the mood to rage,
但是我看到這裏的那些女士們
but I saw the ladies in here and wowza,
我裝了有12包垃圾 然後閒逛了一下
so I kept it to a 12-pack and hung around for a bit
履行下我的總統職責
to fulfill my presidential duties,
來照顧這些小夥子
look after these fine lads.
我去卡車裏等你
I'm going to go wait in the truck.