As you may well know, I am many things.
An arts dealer, an accomplished fencer,
fair shot with most weapons.
I am loved and respected by all who know me...
But I have always felt there's something missing, you see.
Some final piece of my personal puzzle.
I needed something bold, distinctive.
The work of art with which I could declare to the heavens,
I am Lord Charlie Mortdecai,
and this little bit of magic
is my moustache.
Shall we to business then, Fang?
Would you mind?
"Find," you said.
And find, I have done.
The Qianlong vase.
Very, very rare.
Low-fired with an immersion glaze?
None of the southern Yangtze ceramics are low-fired.
But you know that. You're testing me.
真是抱歉 蚊子 你看
I'm so terribly sorry. Mosquito. You see it?
Why don't you test the vase instead?
I am sure that you will agree it is a bargain at two million pounds.
Everyone knows you're broke.
You will take one million.
Golly, that was a big one!
Well, have it your way, Fang.
One million pounds.
I trust that you have brought the treasuries?
I think I'll keep the money.
And the vase.
You cheated me in our last deal.
I paid three million for that tapestry,
then found out it is worth only one!
You took from me. Now I will take from you.
搞清楚 老方 方胖子
Now, you look here, Fang! Fat. Fang Fat.
I'm an art dealer, not a charlatan.
A rogue, perhaps,
惡棍 無賴 隨你怎麼說
a scamp or scoundrel, I will grant you.
But never an outright mountebank.
You owe me.
I believe a finger would be fair. Don't you?
I wouldn't, mate. I really wouldn't.
喬克 謝天謝地 你到哪去了
Jockie, thank heavens! Where have you been, man?
Right behind you as always, sir.
Well done, Jockie.
It's a privilege, sir!
Jock, you're ablaze!
Well, I think our work here is done.
Time to go, sir.
Jock laid out the state of our financial affairs.
Basically, they involved debt.
Massive, crushing debt.
We hurried back to Mortdecai Manor,
where my beloved wife, Johanna,
having heard of our financial distress,
was arriving home to sell off some of my prized possessions.
Even my horsey picture was on the block.
But I was hopeful my new moustache would cheer her up.
Oh, God, I missed you terribly.
Johanna. Love of my life.
Apple of my eye_
I so wish you had been there.
Can you imagine the two of us in that frigid city,
only our passions keeping us...
Whoa! What is that?
Just a little something I cooked up whilst you were away, my darling.
I do believe it was Maggie Thatcher who said that kissing a man without
a moustache is rather like eating an egg without salt.
Oh, don't point that thing at me.
I have put no inconsiderable thought and effort into this endeavor.
You see, the domain of a man's upper lip is his sovereign ground...
You have five minutes to shave it off.
Every Mortdecai man before me had the same. Why can't I?
Oh, I happen to be terribly fond of it,
and I have had every intention of seeing it through.
You mean it's going to get bigger?
It will come to fruition, yes.
You really won't shave it off?
I can't, my duck. Not at this juncture.
It's not even fully corked. It's a baby.
-喬克 -是 夫人
-Jock? -Yes, madam?
Please, will you make up the guest bedroom for Mr. Mortdecai?
Already have, madam.
And I shan't be having dinner downstairs this evening.
I'll just have a supper tray in my room.
Very good, madam.
I do believe Jock has informed you
that we are staring down the barrel of insolvency.
What do you plan to do about it?
Right. Yes, well...
那 哦 沒錯
That... Well... Quite.
First thing we're doing is selling off that Sheridan.
Oh, my sweet little love beast,
I am sure that we will come up with the necessary funds
就在月底前 今天幾號♥ 5號♥
by the end of the month. What is today? The fifth!
The 26th, sir.
All right. That gives us six...
Four days, sir.
Jock? Please can you take the Sheridan up to London in the morning?
I'm entering it in the Autumn Masters Auction.
Right you are, madam.
Come, come. Let's not be rash.
Oh, hello, poppet.
We cannot go about selling off family heirlooms willy-nilly.
I'm afraid I shall have to put my foot down, darling.
With your permission, of course.
Bugger it. Oh, there he is.
She'll come around, Jock. How could she not?
She's only human, sir.
A quick aside about Jock.
In addition to being my manservant and thug,
he also maintains an enviable rate of sexual intercourse,
which can be occasionally problematic.
Recently, after we'd concluded the sale of a painting
to a wealthy turkey farmer...
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