你們可能知道 我有多重身份
As you may well know, I am many things.
我是藝品商 劍術高手
An arts dealer, an accomplished fencer,
槍法幾乎百發百中
fair shot with most weapons.
尊敬我的人都和我...
I am loved and respected by all who know me...
不太熟
Slightly.
貴族大盜
但我始終認爲少了點什麼
But I have always felt there's something missing, you see.
能代表我的一種個人特色
Some final piece of my personal puzzle.
我需要獨樹一格的標記
I needed something bold, distinctive.
謝謝
Thank you.
它就像藝術品 足以讓世人知道
The work of art with which I could declare to the heavens,
我是鼎鼎大名的查理·摩迪凱勳爵
I am Lord Charlie Mortdecai,
而這充滿魅力的標記
and this little bit of magic
就是我的鬍鬚
is my moustache.
我看
I see.
我們談正事吧 老方
Shall we to business then, Fang?
麻煩你
Would you mind?
你要我幫你找
"Find," you said.
我也找到了
And find, I have done.
乾隆花瓶
The Qianlong vase.
稀世珍寶
Very, very rare.
文火燒製 浸沒上釉
Low-fired with an immersion glaze?
長江南部的陶瓷不用文火燒製
None of the southern Yangtze ceramics are low-fired.
但你早知道了 你在考我
But you know that. You're testing me.
真是抱歉 蚊子 你看
I'm so terribly sorry. Mosquito. You see it?
你不驗驗這隻花瓶嗎
Why don't you test the vase instead?
相信你會同意 200萬英鎊十分划算
I am sure that you will agree it is a bargain at two million pounds.
誰不曉得你破產了
Everyone knows you're broke.
100萬你就會賣♥♥
You will take one million.
天啊 好大一隻
Golly, that was a big one!
恭敬不如從命 老方
Well, have it your way, Fang.
就100萬英鎊
One million pounds.
相信你帶了債券來吧
I trust that you have brought the treasuries?
我想先把錢留着
I think I'll keep the money.
還有花瓶
And the vase.
上一筆交易你騙我
You cheated me in our last deal.
我付300萬買♥♥那塊織錦
I paid three million for that tapestry,
結果它只值100萬
then found out it is worth only one!
你坑我 現在我要討回公道
You took from me. Now I will take from you.
搞清楚 老方 方胖子
Now, you look here, Fang! Fat. Fang Fat.
我是藝品商 不是騙子
I'm an art dealer, not a charlatan.
流氓
A rogue, perhaps,
惡棍 無賴 隨你怎麼說
a scamp or scoundrel, I will grant you.
但絕非亂吹牛的江湖郎中
But never an outright mountebank.
夠了
Enough!
這是你欠我的
You owe me.
一根手指應該說得過去 對不對
I believe a finger would be fair. Don't you?
纔怪
No!
喬克
Jock!
我勸你別衝動
I wouldn't, mate. I really wouldn't.
喬克 謝天謝地 你到哪去了
Jockie, thank heavens! Where have you been, man?
跟平常一樣在您身後 老爺
Right behind you as always, sir.
救命啊
Help.
喬克
Jock!
幹得好 喬克
Well done, Jockie.
這是我的榮幸 老爺
It's a privilege, sir!
喬克 你發爐了
Jock, you're ablaze!
大功告成了
Well, I think our work here is done.
該閃人了 老爺
Time to go, sir.
香港
喬克檢查了我們的財務狀況
Jock laid out the state of our financial affairs.
基本上負債累累
Basically, they involved debt.
巴黎
債臺高築
Massive, crushing debt.
倫敦
我們趕回摩迪凱莊園
We hurried back to Mortdecai Manor,
我的愛妻喬安娜
where my beloved wife, Johanna,
早已聽說了財務危機
having heard of our financial distress,
趕回家出♥售♥我的一些珍藏
was arriving home to sell off some of my prized possessions.
連我的駿馬圖都在清♥倉♥之列
Even my horsey picture was on the block.
希望我新留的鬍鬚能逗她開心
But I was hopeful my new moustache would cheer her up.
親愛的
Darling!
天啊 我想死你了
Oh, God, I missed you terribly.
喬安娜 我的摯愛
Johanna. Love of my life.
我的心肝寶貝
Apple of my eye_
真希望你在我身邊
I so wish you had been there.
你能想像我倆在那嚴寒的城市
Can you imagine the two of us in that frigid city,
只有激♥情♥能溫暖我們...
only our passions keeping us...
哇 那是什麼鬼東西
Whoa! What is that?
趁你不在時特別留的
Just a little something I cooked up whilst you were away, my darling.
撒切爾夫人說過 親吻沒有鬍鬚的男人
I do believe it was Maggie Thatcher who said that kissing a man without
就像喫蛋沒加鹽
a moustache is rather like eating an egg without salt.
別用那東西指着我
Oh, don't point that thing at me.
我就說吧
Told ya.
我可是深思熟慮才這麼做
I have put no inconsiderable thought and effort into this endeavor.
嘴上這一塊是男人能主宰的...
You see, the domain of a man's upper lip is his sovereign ground...
給你5分鐘刮掉
You have five minutes to shave it off.
摩迪凱家的每個男人都有留 我爲什麼不行
Every Mortdecai man before me had the same. Why can't I?
人家真的很喜歡啦
Oh, I happen to be terribly fond of it,
很想讓它繼續長
and I have had every intention of seeing it through.
你是說還要留得更長
You mean it's going to get bigger?
對 它會長得很茂密
It will come to fruition, yes.
親愛的
Oh, darling...
你真的不肯刮掉嗎
You really won't shave it off?
人家不要刮啦
I can't, my duck. Not at this juncture.
根本還沒長齊 它還小嘛
It's not even fully corked. It's a baby.
-喬克 -是 夫人
-Jock? -Yes, madam?
麻煩爲摩迪凱老爺準備客房♥
Please, will you make up the guest bedroom for Mr. Mortdecai?
已經打理好了 夫人
Already have, madam.
晚上我不在樓下用餐
And I shan't be having dinner downstairs this evening.
端到房♥裏給我喫
I'll just have a supper tray in my room.
沒問題 夫人
Very good, madam.
相信喬克已經通知你了
I do believe Jock has informed you
我們眼看着就要破產了
that we are staring down the barrel of insolvency.
你打算怎麼解決
What do you plan to do about it?
對 是的
Right. Yes, well...
那 哦 沒錯
That... Well... Quite.
首先就是賣♥♥掉那幅謝里丹的畫
First thing we're doing is selling off that Sheridan.
哦 我親愛的小野獸
Oh, my sweet little love beast,
我相信能籌到必要的資金
I am sure that we will come up with the necessary funds
就在月底前 今天幾號♥ 5號♥
by the end of the month. What is today? The fifth!
26號♥ 老爺
The 26th, sir.
好吧 所以還有六...
All right. That gives us six...
五天 老爺
Four days, sir.
喬克 明早帶謝里丹的畫到倫敦
Jock? Please can you take the Sheridan up to London in the morning?
我要讓它加入秋季大♥師♥拍賣♥♥會
I'm entering it in the Autumn Masters Auction.
遵命 夫人
Right you are, madam.
拜託 別這麼急
Come, come. Let's not be rash.
哈羅 狗狗
Oh, hello, poppet.
傳家寶不能隨便亂賣♥♥
We cannot go about selling off family heirlooms willy-nilly.
我恐怕得堅持立場 親愛的
I'm afraid I shall have to put my foot down, darling.
你說什麼
Sorry?
當然得先獲得你的恩准
With your permission, of course.
可惡 好帥的鬍鬚
Bugger it. Oh, there he is.
她會回心轉意吧 喬克
She'll come around, Jock. How could she not?
她怎能抵擋您的魅力 老爺
She's only human, sir.
稍微介紹一下喬克
A quick aside about Jock.
除了當我的僕人和打手
In addition to being my manservant and thug,
他上♥牀♥的機會多到令人嫉妒
he also maintains an enviable rate of sexual intercourse,
所以偶爾會帶來麻煩
which can be occasionally problematic.
我們最近賣♥♥了一幅畫
Recently, after we'd concluded the sale of a painting
給一個富有的土耳其農夫之後
to a wealthy turkey farmer...