好的 你開始錄了嗎?
Good. Are you on?
電影四十三
是的 開始了
Yeah, we're ready.
我是卡爾文·卡特勒
My name is Calvin Cutler.
諸位將見證史上最惡搞
What you're about to witness is the most badass,
最奇葩的一幕
fucked-up thing you'll ever see.
我們稱之爲"正中靶心"
We call this the "Bull's Eye."
噢 對了 千萬別自己在家嘗試
Oh, yeah. Don't try this at home.
你準備好了嗎? 好的 預備
You're good? You ready, buddy? All right. Right, ready?
一... 二... 三!
One... two... three!
告訴我成功了
Tell me we got it. Just...
成功了嗎? 不 不可能 我們成功了!
Did we? No! No way, we got it!
怎麼可能 夥計!
No fucking way, dude!
- 我們成功了! 成功了! - 天啊!
- We got it! We got it! We got... - Oh, shit!
看哪! 看啊! 夥計 正中靶心 兄弟!
Look at that! Look at that! Dude. Bull's eye, bro!
太棒了!
Awesome!
我們要把它傳到網上去! 快去!
We're putting it on YouTube! Let's go! Yeah!
夥計 有一個人瀏覽了!
Dude, we got a view!
夥計 那是我們自己上傳時留下的
Yeah, buddy, that was us when we uploaded it.
那就再上傳一遍 能有漲到兩次瀏覽
Well, then upload it again so we can have two views.
我... 我覺得這樣做沒用
I... I don't think that's how it works.
- 點"刷新" 夥計 - 好的
- Hit "refresh," dude. - Oh, yeah.
- 不會吧 - 不可能吧
- No way. - That can't be right.
- 再點一下 - 我點刷新了
- Do me a favor. - I just refreshed it.
看看是不是有漲
Let's see if it pulls up.
天哪 兩萬五千次瀏覽 夥計!
No way. Twenty-five thousand views, man!
五十萬!
Five hundred thousand!
- 一百萬? 帥! - 點擊率爆棚了!
- One million? Yes! - You're too money!
我就說我們會出名的
I told you we're gonna be famous.
我們出名了...
We're gonna be famous and...
愚人節快樂 蠢貨們!
April fools, suckers!
我擅自仿製了視頻網 虛報視頻瀏覽量
I took the liberty of cloning YouTube and hyper-inflating your views.
你... 你這小混♥蛋♥!
...You... You little shit!
你剛剛想通過電腦屏幕打我?
Did you just try to hit me through your computer screen?
是的 沒錯
Yeah, I did!
你爲什麼不過來直接讓我揍 娘炮!
Why don't you come in here so I can hit you like a real man, pussy!
我還有科學項目要做 你們慢慢欣賞點擊率吧
Working on my science project. Enjoy your page views.
天哪 他真是個熊孩子!
God, he's such a little spaz!
- 我們要報仇 - 是的
- We need revenge. - We do.
- 我們得用惡作劇整他 - 沒錯
- We need to April fools prank him. - Yeah!
- 痛擊他的要害 - 好好調♥教♥他
- Hit him where it hurts. - Square in his balls.
不! 我們得更狠一點
No! We gotta do something better.
我們去偷他的電腦 把它裝滿病毒
We steal his computer and load it full of viruses.
等等 去哪找病毒?
Wait, where do we get viruses?
二貨! 上黃網啊
Uh, duh! Porn sites.
你也不想想我電腦爲什麼這麼慢?
Why do you think my computer's so slow?
還不都是因爲病毒太多
It's full of 'em.
好吧 電腦在他的房♥間 我們怎麼搞到手?
Oh, okay, but how-how do we get his laptop if it's in his room?
我們不能直接闖進去把電腦偷出來
We can't just-just kick in the door and steal it.
你該怎麼引蛇出洞?
How do you lure a dragon out of a lion's den?
我不知道
I don't know.
- 給他個挑戰 - 挑戰?
- You present him with a challenge. - Challenge?
挑戰 看我眼色行事
A challenge. Jus... Follow my lead.
巴克斯特! 巴克斯特 夥計!
Baxter! Baxter, my man!
什麼事?
What?
我和J.J.有個電腦方面的問題
Uh, me and J.J., we have this computer problem.
網上有一部電影我們找不到
There's this movie on the Internet and we can't find it.
你能來幫我們嗎?
Can you help us?
你想爲了剛纔那事整我 是嗎?
You're trying to get back at me for that prank, right?
- 不! 這事過去了! - 過去了
- No! Truce! - Truce.
說真的 我們...
Seriously, we just, uh...
我們想在聯邦調查局封♥殺♥之前找到它
we need to find it, uh, before the FBI takes it down.
你說聯邦調查局?
You said the FBI?
該死的聯邦調查局 中情局
Fucking FBI, the CIA...
犯罪現場調查科 海軍罪案調查處...
The CSI, NCIS...
我的意思是 這部電影是非法的
I mean, this video is so illegal,
全世界每個國家都把它列爲禁片
it has been banned by every country in the world.
阿姆斯特丹也不例外
Including Amsterdam.
就那個警♥察♥被人猥褻欺辱後
Where you could slap a cop in the face with your penis,
都要說"謝謝"的地方
and they'd say, "danka."
阿姆斯特丹不是個國家!
Amsterdam is not a country!
阿姆斯特丹不是個國家?
Amsterdam's not a country?
什麼時候的事?
Since when?
這電影在那裏總歸是個禁片 夥計
The shit's still banned there, dude.
是的 你想想 它...它就像...
Yeah. Think about it. They... it's... it's like it's the... the... the fucking...
世界上最危險的電影
It's the most dangerous film in the world.
- 是的 - 這電影叫什麼?
- It is. - What's it called?
其實 你知道嗎 巴克斯特? 你是對的
Actually, you know what, Baxter? You're right.
這確實是愚人節惡作劇
It was an April Fool's prank.
很抱歉耍了你
I'm sorry we brought you into this.
你還是...
You know, you should probably just...
該幹嘛幹嘛去 別再想這事 求你了
go on with your life and never think about this again. Please.
等等
Wait.
這電影爲什麼這麼危險?
What's so bad about it?
你不會想知道的
You don't wanna know.
爲什麼這麼危險?
What's so bad about it?
嘿 兄弟! 這電影爲什麼這麼危險?
Hey, slim! What's so bad about it?
- 能害死你 - 怎麼害死我?
- It can kill you. - How?
能嚇得你屎尿橫流
It can make you shit out your intestines.
還能讓你七竅流血
It can make you bleed out of your eyes.
有個人看了之後
You know, one guy saw it,
就跑進一座教堂猥褻那裏的修女
and he ran into a church, and he just started humping the nuns.
幾年前 這可是樁大事
That was a huge story a few years back.
這電影能讓人恨不得自殘
It can make you pull off your own dick.
好吧 如果它會讓人自殘
Okay, why would you want to watch it...
你們爲什麼還要看?
if it can make you pull off your own dick?
那是因爲...
Because...
如果你從頭到尾看完整部電影
If you can watch it all the way through from the beginning to end,
你就會得到意想不到的獎賞
you're rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.
金錢 性 女人
With money. And sex. And women.
就像午夜兇鈴那個電影 但會有個好的結局
It's like that movie The Ring, but with a good ending.
- 是 還有美胸 - 各種波濤胸湧
- Yeah. And boobs. - Lots of boobs.
那這電影叫什麼?
So what's this movie called?
電影
Movie.
- 四十三 - 電影四十三
- Forty-three. - Movie forty-three.
祖歌♥上搜不到
It's not on Zwoogle.
是啊 祖歌♥當然搜不到 它被禁了!
Yeah, of course it's not on Zwoogle. It's banned!
好吧 那我猜我們得深入挖掘了
Okay. Then I guess we'll need to dig deeper.
訪問一些互聯網上的陰暗角落
Visit some dark corners of the Internet.
恩 是的 陰暗角落 夥計
Mm, yeah, the dark corners, dude.
是的 深入挖掘 我們得找到它
Yeah, get in there. We gotta find this thing.
我找到一個有很多禁片的隱藏服務器
I found a cloaked server that houses banned videos.
先試試列表的第四十三個電影 怎麼樣?
Start out with the forty-third one on the list. Sound good?
好的 你們繼續找
Yes! Yeah, you guys keep working on this.
我去望風 看看有沒有聯邦調查局
I'm gonna go guard the door for the uh, FBI,
中情局 老媽什麼的
the CIA, and Mom.
看這個 我們看看
Look at this. Check it out.
噢! 你真美
Hey. Ooh! You look good.
但願你快準備好了 他隨時都有可能到
Hope you're almost ready. He's gonna be here any second.
我不知道我爲什麼要這麼做 帕姆
I don't know why I'm doing this, Pam.
我不相信朱莉
I don't trust Julie.
如果這傢伙是個廢物怎麼辦?
I mean, what if this guy's a loser?
他不是廢物
He's not a loser.
他二十八歲的時候
He made senior partner at his law firm by the time he was,
就成了他律師事務所的高級合夥人
like, twenty-eight.
所以他只在乎他的工作和錢
So all he cares about is his career and money.
朱莉可沒這麼說 他是特奧會的志願者
Mm, not according to Julie. He's a volunteer with the Special Olympics,
他是紐約愛樂樂團的董事會成員
he's on the board of the New York Philharmonic...
他和德瑞克·基特合夥開了一家新的餐廳
He's opening a new restaurant with Derek Jeter!
但他可能長着一副令人尷尬的呆板臉
But he's probably got one of those awkward character faces...
就是你有幾分偏愛的那種 是嗎?