-這可真是個盛大的慶典 -可不是嘛
-This is a celebration! -Hells yeah!
靠
Damn!
爲人♥民♥乾杯
Power to the people.
嘿 我只是想再看你一眼
Hey! I just wanted to take another look at you.
好的 讓我們追根溯源 傑米
So, take us back to the beginning, Jamie.
這一切都是怎麼發生的
How did this all start?
呃 好吧 就是 大概四年前
Um, okay. So, about four years ago,
呃 我收到一個叫洛奇 弗林特斯通的人的電子郵件後
um, my life changed forever,
我的生活徹底改變了
uh, when I got an email from a guy called Rocky Flintstone.
沒想到這個洛奇 弗林特斯通是我老爸
It turned out that Rocky Flintstone was my dad,
他一直偷偷在花♥園♥裏的小屋裏寫情♥色♥小說
and he'd been secretly writing porn in the garden shed.
一本叫 眨眼的貝琳達 的小說
The book was called Belinda Blinked,
寫得非常糟糕
and it was horrific.
簡直不可思議
It was amazing.
這絕對是史上最糟的書
It's the best worst book ever written.
然後我的朋友 詹姆斯和愛麗絲 讓我把它讀給全世界聽
So then my friends, James and Alice, made me read it to the whole world.
“貝琳達眨了眨眼 她不是在做夢
"Belinda Blinked. It wasn't a dream.
“面試官剛剛讓她脫掉她的夾克和絲綢襯衫”
"The job interviewer had just asked her to remove her jacket and silk blouse."
這系列書的主角是一個叫貝琳達 布盧門撒爾的女人
And the books are about a woman called Belinda Blumenthal,
她在世界各處兜售鋼鍋瓢盆
who shags her way around the world, selling pots and pans.
pots and pans引申義爲極度貧窮
這本書一半講情♥色♥一半講職場
It's one-half erotica, one-half business manual.
於是我們開始了播客 從只有幾個聽衆
So we started a podcast, and it went from a few people listening...
啊 我看不見路了
I can't see anything! Aah!
哦 我笑到哭出來了
Oh, no! I wet myself!
到現在聽衆如雲
...to quite a lot of people listening.
不過我們要說實話 這本書並不性感
But we should say, it's not a sexy book.
“貝琳達呻♥吟♥着 而公爵夫人哼着小曲
"As Belinda groaned, the duchess hummed,
“盯着她水潤多汁的蜜♥穴♥”
"watching her perspiring pussy meat."
啊
Ack!
洛奇的比喻很奇特
Rocky's metaphors are unique.
她的乳♥頭♥現在和三英寸長的鉚釘一樣大了
Her nipples were now as large as the three-inch rivets
大到彷彿能鉚住即將崩解掉泰坦尼克號♥
which had held the hull of the fateful Titanic together.
他對女性的身體沒有任何概念
And he has zero concept of the female body.
“他抓住了她的宮頸”
"He grabbed her cervix..."
他是要殺了她吧
He's gonna kill her.
老實講 如果不是有我這個兒子作證
Honestly, if I wasn't sat here right now,
我敢發誓他肯定是個老處♥男♥
I would swear to God he was a virgin.
人們居然想要拍出電影版 這太瘋狂了
I mean, it got so crazy that people were even talking about a movie version.
甚至有適合的演員排隊等着試鏡呢
And actual, proper actors were lining up to play the characters.
我挺想要扮演羅賓斯醫生的
I do like the idea of playing Dr. Robbins.
我覺得我該穿上一套寬大的衣裳來演吉姆 斯特林
I feel like I should put on a fat suit and play Jim Sterling.
我倒很想扮演阿爾菲 就是那個矮小的男人
I'd quite like to play Alfie, the smallish man.
我想扮演阿達姆
I would go for Adaam.
我已經和我的經紀人談過了
I've already spoken to my agents about it.
是的 事情是有點失控了
Yeah, it all got a little bit out of hand.
我爸寫了小黃書 我爸寫了小黃書
My Dad Wrote a Porno. My Dad Wrote a Porno.
我爸寫了小黃書 我爸寫了小黃書
My Dad Wrote a Porno. My Dad Wrote a Porno.
你父親的作品和哈姆雷特
There are similarities between
有異曲同工之妙
your father's work, and Hamlet.
-哦 天啊 -看
- Oh, my God! - Look!
他真♥他♥媽♥是個天才
He's a fucking genius.
繼續啊 還有什麼精彩的東西
Come on! How else have we got here?
所以現在 我在HBO上看我爸的小黃書
So now, I'm reading my dad's porn on HBO.
真是太棒了
Brilliant.
倫敦卡姆登圓屋現場直播
Live from the Camden Roundhouse, London,
歡迎傑米 詹姆斯和愛麗絲
please welcome Jamie, James, and Alice.
喔 好的
Woo! All right!
喔 喔
Woo! Woo-hoo!
喔
Woo!
-耶 -好啊
- Yay! - Yes!
嗨 夥計們 我叫傑米
Hi, guys. Um, my name's Jamie, and...
我爸寫了小黃書
my dad wrote a porno.
-是真的 -是的 是真的
- It's true. - Yes, he did.
他真的寫了
He did do...
謝謝 謝謝 雖然這可以算是我的地獄了 但是你們還是可以當樂子看的
Thank you, thank you. It's my hell, but your entertainment.
嗯 我爸爸
Uh, to my dad,
傳說一般的人物 洛奇 弗林特斯通
the legend. Rocky Flintstone.
好傢伙 好了好了
What a guy. Okay. Okay.
就是他寫了這些糟糕的東西 是嗎
So he wrote these shit books, right?
甚至最開始的時候 他寫的狗屎東西
And right at the start, he wrote something that even he thought
他自己都看不下去 不忍♥放進“眨眼的貝琳達”系列裏
was too shit to include in any of the Belinda Blinked books.
-所以我今晚就要讀那些 -啊 你……
- So I'm reading that tonight. - Aw, you...
是的 是的
Yes, yes.
那麼它講了什麼呢 發生了什麼事
What's it about exactly? What happens? Um...
嗯 它是眨眼的貝琳達的一個章節 所以它什麼都沒講
Well, it is a Belinda Blinked chapter, so it's not about anything, at all.
是的 但它講了貝琳達 布盧門撒爾的事
Sure. But it involves Belinda Blumenthal,
鋼鍋瓢盆的國際銷♥售♥總監
the international sales director of Steeles Pots and Pans.
基本上是她帶着她的區域銷♥售♥經理
Um, and she basically takes her regional sales managers
去參加一個團隊建設日
on a kind of team building away day.
因爲很顯然
Um, 'cause, obviously...
-真好啊 -因爲這是一本關於職場的書啊
It's so good. 'Cause, well, it's a business book.
所以他們的團建休息日也完全說得過去
So, you know, they're doing a corporate away day. Makes absolute sense.
好的 倫敦的朋友們 你們準備好了嗎
Well, London, are you ready for this?
我想我們應該 玩喝酒懲罰遊戲
I think we should, uh, play the drinking game.
呼聲挺高啊 是吧 要來嗎
That's a great shout. Yes. Yeah? Up for it?
我們應該制定正式的規則
We should establish official rules.
-是 當然了 當然了 -我們也許應該 你懂的
- Yeah, sure, sure, sure. - We should probably, you know...
正式的規則 好的 那麼
The official rules. Okay. Well what about...
你知道洛奇多喜歡關注無關緊要的細節嗎
You know how Rocky likes to focus on unnecessary details,
拿拍電影打比方 在做♥愛♥的時候
like, if the camera was on them, like, shagging,
鏡頭會慢慢飄到窗簾上
it would slowly zoom to the curtains.
是的 是的 它關注的都是些愚蠢的東西
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it just focuses on the most stupid things.
分散人的注意 是的 沒錯
Distracted. Yes. Yeah. Exactly.
所以每次都有一些不必要的細節 比如喝酒
So every time there's, like, an unnecessary detail, drink.
-是的 贊成 -好 好
- Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. - Good, good.
好的 我的規定就是 語法 糟糕的語法
Okay, uh, my rule is gonna be... grammar, bad grammar.
是的 沒錯 因爲我感覺他每次都是最後纔來修飾語法
Yes. Exactly. Um, 'cause I feel like he does it all afterwards.
你懂的 他在最後纔會過一遍文章
Yeah. You know, after the event. So he'll go through,
這裏加個分號♥ 這裏一個句點
a little semicolon, full stop in there.
這裏用逗號♥吧 對了 省略號♥
Let's put a comma. Yeah. Apostrophe.
對他來說 我想分號♥像是在朝他眨眼
For him, I think a semicolon is just his work winking back at him.
說着“幹得漂亮 洛奇”
He's like, "You're doing a great job, Rocky."
嗯 我想 如果你們每個人都只爲一條規定喝酒的話
Um, and I think, you know, if you're only gonna drink on one of the rules tonight,
那麼貝琳達眨眼的時候大家都要喝酒
uh, everybody must drink when Belinda blinks.
成交
Deal. Yes.
在我們開始之前 我想有一件
Before we start, I just think there's one thing
非常非常重要的事需要注意
that's really, really important to just note. Yeah.
不管你讀了什麼 那都是你♥爸♥爸寫的
Whatever we read, your dad wrote it.
看看這大屏幕上寫着什麼呢
Looks what's behind me!
我爸寫了小黃書
-真是讓我困擾 -我們已經寫得最大了
That's gonna haunt me. That's as big as we can manage.
-我們該翻開書了 -這本書
But I think we should open the book. This thing here.
爸爸寫的小黃書 爸爸寫的小黃書 爸爸寫的小黃書
Dad porn, dad porn, dad porn.
好了
Okay.
“眨眼的貝琳達”
"Belinda blinked."
喝
Drink!
隨意找個地方開始 我敢肯定我會喝到爛醉的
Start as we mean to go on... I'm gonna shit-faced. I can just tell.
失落之章
The Lost Chapter.
-“與區域銷♥售♥經理的團隊建設……” -好啊
- "Team Building with the Regional Sales Managers..." - Yeah!
分號♥
Semicolon.
看吧 已經開始了 乾杯
Yes. It's already started. Cheers.
從標題就開始犯錯了 不愧是洛奇
On a title. Yes, Rocky.
“貝琳達 布盧門撒爾 鍋碗瓢盆的國際銷♥售♥總監
"Belinda Blumenthal, international sales director of Steeles Pots and Pans,
“將她的奔馳車
"turned her Mercedes into the driveway
“開進了那座僻靜莊園的車道
"of the secluded manor house,
“她僱了一個人來組織白天的狂歡活動 ”
"she had hired for the team building away day extravaganza..."
-喔 -“在康沃爾海岸的團建”
Whoa! "...on the Cornish coast."
-哦 那是這世界上很美好的地方 -是的
- Oh! Very nice part of the world, very nice. - It is...
它是很美好
It is a lovely part of the world,
但從倫敦開車過去要七個小時
but it's also about a seven-hour drive from London.