好吧 各位可以看的出來 不要覺得太奇怪
All right, so here's how you can tell, in order of weirdness,
這是個夢境
that this is a dream.
首先 我在做♥愛♥
First off, I'm having sex.
第二 我躺在心型的紅色橡膠牀墊上
Second, I'm on a heart-shaped bed with red rubber sheets.
真爽
Nice.
那是燒杯嗎
Are those beakers?
沒錯 我在上化學課
Yep, I'm in my chemistry class.
這是第三點
That's third.
這女人非常完美
And this woman is just perfect.
我是說 看看她
I mean, look at her.
那雙眼睛 那對嘴脣...
Those eyes...Those lips...
三個乳♥房♥♥
Those three tits.
我想跟各位說第五點 但差不多是時候
I would tell you the fifth, but this is about the time
我要...
where I --
早熟
我就是我人生中的
I'm bit part player in the
大人物
story of my life
我無法醒來 但是
and I can't wake up, but I
我不想在晚上睡
just won't sleep at night
但也許我活着 也許
but maybe I'm alive and maybe
我死了
I'm dead
你說的這些事在我腦中
the things you say went around
縈繞
my head
空虛的詞聽起來就像
empty words that sound like
屎蛋
shit to me
轉過去 去 去 去
turn around, round, round,
去 去 去
round, round, round
轉過去
turn it around
轉過去 去 去
turn around, round, round,
去 去 去
round, round, round
把...把牀單丟到洗衣機吧 甜心
just...Throw the sheets in the laundry, hon.
沒事的
It's okay.
她在洗衣服
She's in the laundry room.
坐下吧
Sit down.
我得去學校了 那...
I should probably be going to school, so...
我們都知道今天的
We both know how important
面試很重要
today's interview is.
爸 我真的不需要
Dad, I really don't need
再聽加油的話
another pep talk.
你坐冷板凳而你的隊友跟其他八個球員打球時
little league and your team played with eight players,
我沒說什麼
I said nothing.
你被莎莉·李文森霸凌時
When you were bullied by Sally levinson...
我沒說什麼
I said nothing.
你參選班長
When you lost the class
輸給一個浣熊...
presidency to a raccoon...
他是學校吉祥物
He was the school mascot.
我沒說什麼
...I said nothing.
但這次對我太重要
But this is too important to me
我不可能坐視不管
to just sit idly by and say nothing.
來吧 坐吧
So, come on. Please.
好吧
Okay. Fine.
我要你面試時帶着這個
I want you to wear this during the interview.
這是我以前在喬治敦
This is my old headband from
參加划船比賽的舊頭帶
when I rowed crew at Georgetown.
但 我不是划船啊
But...I don't row crew.
喔天啊 這聞起來很像胯下
Oh, God. This smells like crotch.
這是勝利的味道
That's the smell of a champion.
今天你有個大好機會
Today you have a huge opportunity.
今天你要讓我驕傲
Today you'll make me proud.
要是我可以在他的
It would save me time if I would
牀上鋪些報紙就可以省下
just put down newspaper on
很多...時間
his...Bed.
我應該做大事
I was supposed to do great things
我知道路途漫長
I know the road was long
但我不是爲了成名
but I wasn't raised to shoot for fame
我得走平穩的路
I had the safety on
嗚 嗚 嗚
ooh, ooh, ooh
我剪斷領帶
I cut my ties,
我賣♥♥了戒指
I sold my rings
我不需要這些東西
I wanted none of this
如果你出身微寒
if you start from scratch,
你得唱歌♥
you have to sing
爲了愉快
just for the fun of it
衣服真漂亮
cute dress!
你好 莉薩
Hello, Lisa.
爲什麼他要接近我們
Why is he near us?
祝你有愉快的一天
Have a good day at school.
勞勃
Rob!
呦 勞勃
Yo, rob!
啊啊
Ah!
喔
Oh.
嘿 你還好嗎
Hey, are you okay?
噓
Shh.
我本來要發射了
So, I'm about to blow my load
結果莉薩說 等等
when Lisa says, "wait."
然後她站起來 開始穿衣服
She then stands up, gets dressed,
轉過來對我說
turns to me and says,
好了
"okay.
現在射吧
Come now."
然後蹦
And boom.
我射了
I came.
怎麼會有高中女生
How does a high school chick
知道心靈控制
learn mind control like that?
也許某些特殊學校會教性課程
Maybe some sort of magnet school for the sexually advanced?
你一定會喜歡性♥愛♥
You're gonna love sex.
就像是打世界上
It's like jerking off with the
最爽的手♥槍♥
best sock on the planet.
等等
Wait.
爲什麼你穿得跟艾倫·狄珍妮一樣
Why are you dressed like Ellen degeneres?
我今天要面試
I have my interview today.
我穿得不像艾倫
I'm not dressed like Ellen.
那 要是你沒上你要怎麼辦
So, what are you gonna do if you don't get in?
嘿 閉嘴 好嗎
Hey. No. Shut up, okay?
我一定得上
I have to get in.
不要觸我黴頭
Don't jinx me.
那我殺只雞就好
So I'll kill a chicken.
放輕鬆啦
Relax.
嘿 老兄 你今晚要過來嗎
Hey, man. You want to come over tonight?
我要跟巴爾幹的小子玩在線 俠盜獵車手
I'm playing "grand theft auto" online with that kid from the Balkans.
你知道 他傳給我一個
You know, he sent me this
超殺的youtube短片
fucked-up YouTube clip.
有些人揍他的蛋蛋
Some mma guy got punched in the
揍到他拉屎又射♥精♥
nuts so hard he shit himself and came.
哇 嗯 雖然我很想看 但是加布麗爾跟我
Wow, uh, as much as I'd love to see that, Gabrielle and I are
今晚要看拼字大賽
watching the spelling bee tonight.
嗨 各位
Hi, guys.
那不是書呆子超級盃
The dork super bowl?
現場有一堆緊張的小孩
trembling kids,
害怕讓他們的父母失望
terrified of disappointing their watching parents.
我是說 就像是看
I mean, it's like watching
虐待兒童的節目
televised child abuse.
超酷的說
It's fucking awesome.
他們也許不會被揍 但一樣會嚇到拉屎
They don't get punched, but they do shit themselves.
哈
Huh.
你們早安啊
And a good morning to you both.
嘿 加布
Hey, gabs.
謝謝你
Thanks.
阿瑟
Arthur.
你什麼時候要搭飛機 小亞
What time you flying out, Artie?
很可惜殘障奧林匹克並沒有幽默大賽
Too bad the special Olympics doesn't have a comedy competition.
勞勃 加布麗爾跟我說