戀愛保質期
我不明白 這太不可思議了
I don't know. It's just so weird.
好吧 他到底說了什麼
Okay, well, what did he say, exactly?
他說他要和我談談
He said he needed to talk to me.
- 是要還是想 - 這有什麼差別嗎
- Needed or wanted? - What's the difference?
- 能證明緊迫程度 - 他說要談談
- Urgency. - He said needed.
- 那就是很着急 - 我知道
- Ugh, that's urgent. - I know.
他讓你染上了超級淋病
He gave you super gonorrhea.
閉嘴
Shut up!
他什麼時候告訴你這些的
When did he tell you this?
- 他一出門的時候 - 我的天啊
- As soon as he walked through the door. - Oh, my God.
真是混♥蛋♥ 你想去嗎
What an asshole. Do you wanna go?
想 也不想 我不想知道是什麼事
Yes, and no. I don't want to know what it is.
- 天哪 你得弄清楚 - 你必須得弄清楚
- Oh, my God. You've got to find out. - You've got to know.
- 我們去付錢吧 - 抱歉
- Let's get the check. - Sorry, uh...
抱歉 讓你們久等了
Sorry it took me so long.
這太奇怪了 他們有這樣一個廁所
It's so weird. They have one of those toilets
大的像是給你屁♥股♥準備的按♥摩♥浴缸
that's like a jacuzzi for your butt.
日本文化真是太有趣了 不是嗎
Well, Japanese culture is so interesting, is it not?
就像是 我迫不及待要去東京
Like, ugh, I can't wait to go to Tokyo.
打擾一下
Excuse me?
嘿 你還在短租北部鄉村的房♥子 對嗎
Hey, you're still airbnb-ing the house upstate, right?
- 不 沒有 - 他沒告訴你嗎
- Good God, no! - He didn't tell you?
- 沒有 - 天啊 真是個噩夢
- No. - Oh, my God, it was a nightmare!
這位可愛的女士 她租了一個週末 還帶着狗
This sweet lady, she rents it for the weekend and she brings her dog.
我不介意寵物 不管怎麼說沒什麼大事
I'm cool with pets. Whatever, it's fine.
直到她決定想要友善待人
Until she decides that she wants to be nice
自己把房♥子打掃乾淨
and clean it herself.
這一點都不好笑
It is so not funny.
好吧 是這樣的 亞當有一個機器人吸塵器
Okay, so, Adam's got one of those robot vacuums.
- 一個智能掃地機器人 -一個智能掃地機器人 沒錯
- A Roomba. - A Roomba, yeah.
沒錯 智能掃地機器人
Yeah, Roombas.
她開着智能掃地機器人 離開了房♥子
She turns the Roomba on, she leaves the house,
狗跳進了垃圾箱裏
and the dog gets into the trash
喫了一些讓它腹瀉的東西
and eats something that gives him diarrhea.
然後這個智能掃地機器人就把屎掃得到處都是
And the Roomba spread shit everywhere.
她離開了八個小時 但最後花了兩個星期纔打掃乾淨
She was gone for eight hours. It took two weeks to clean it up.
- 不 不 寶貝 這簡直... - 是的
- No, no, honey, that is like... - Yes.
是我這一整週聽到的最糟糕的事
...the worst thing I've heard all week.
你有很多房♥子
You have a lot of property.
是你和前任的共同財產 對嗎
And you own it with your ex, right?
不 事實上我媽媽死後我就繼承了這些房♥子
Well, no, I actually got it when my mom died.
我想這應該是我的個人財產
It was always just mine, I guess.
房♥子真多
So much property.
順便說一句 這些房♥子真的很可愛 特別迷人
And it's so cute, by the way. It's so charming.
- 是跟我鬧彆扭時候用的嗎 - 不
- It's a safety net house. - No.
- 你得賣♥♥掉它 - 在準備了
- You have to sell it. - Trying to.
- 不管怎樣 - 這麼多房♥子
- Anyway... - So much property.
要來點甜點嗎
Can I interest you in dessert?
不用
No.
謝謝 結賬吧
Thank you, just the check.
我不想打擾你的 但我對你的網站很着迷
I don't mean to bother you, but I'm obsessed with your website.
謝謝你 謝謝
Oh, thank you. Thanks.
別這樣 這是我們週年紀念日的晚餐
Oh, stop. This is our anniversary dinner,
所以我和馬克林想請你
so Marklin and I would like to treat you.
- 你不需要這樣的 - 是的
- You don't have to do that. - Yes!
- 是我們邀請的你們 - 你確定
- We invited you. - You're sure?
沒錯
Yes.
亞當和我一會兒要出去逛逛
Adam and I are going to hang for a second and finish our fight.
- 真的嗎 - 不
- Really? - No.
當然不是 我們送你們回去
Not really. We're gonna walk you guys out.
你能把這個打包帶走嗎
Can you wrap this up to go?
當然
Um, sure.
還有這些
Those too.
那個也是
That one too.
打電♥話♥告訴我發生了什麼事
Call me and let me know what's up.
服務員爲我們叫了車
The waiter ordered us an UberPool.
- 這很酷 對吧 - 沒錯
- That's cool, right? - Yes.
嘿
Hey!
祝我好運
Wish me luck.
情況變得越來越糟糕了
And it just gets worse.
等你電♥話♥
I have my phone on.
現在 她真的知道該怎麼挑男人了
Now, she really knows how to pick 'em.
我要喝一杯
I need a drink.
好吧 你真走運
Oh, well, lucky for you...
- 不是吧 - 沒錯
- You did not. - Well, yeah.
他們拿走了所有的東西 這樣又有何不可
They took everything else. Why not?
你會害我們被抓起來的
You're gonna get us arrested.
它看起來像一瓶雪碧 別擔心
It looks like a bottle of Sprite. Don't worry.
有點擔心是可以的
Little bit of worry is okay.
是的 但這就是我愛你的原因
Well, yeah, but that's why I love you.
我愛你 週年紀念日快樂
I love you. Happy Anniversary.
也許下一次不需要四人幽會了
Maybe next time no double-date?
嗨 你有空了解下同性戀者權益嗎
Hi! Do you have a minute for gay rights?
- 沒空 - 好吧 混♥蛋♥
- No! - Okay, asshole.
消消氣 我們已經是成員了
Easy. We're already members.
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
我愛你
I love you.
- 能拍張照嗎 - 沒問題
- Can I take a pic? - No problem.
高一點
Up!
- 謝謝你 - 沒事
- Thank you. - Okay.
我太開心了
I am freaking out.
不知道他們晚上也工作
Didn't know they work nights.
我們是在市中心嘛
Well, we are downtown.
嘿 我可以問你一些事情嗎
Hey, can I ask you something?
你...
Are you...
我們走
Let's go.
好的
Yes.
夥計
Ah, man!
我只是 我不知道怎麼跟你說這些
I just... I don't know how to tell you this.
就直說吧 我的意思是
Just say it, I guess? I mean...
好吧
Uh, okay.
聽我說 在過去的三週裏
Um, look, um... These past three weeks,
能夠認識你真是太棒了
getting to know you have been amazing
我真的覺得我開始對你有感覺了
and I really think that I'm starting to feel things for you,
但有件事我...
but there's something that I... Ugh!
天哪 你現在讓我很緊張
Oh, my God, you're making me nervous right now!
我很抱歉 對不起
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- 說吧 - 我很抱歉
- Just say it. - I'm so sorry!
- 我... - 沒關係
- Yeah, I'm... - It's okay.
我...
I'm...
我無家可歸
I'm homeless.
抱歉 你說啥
I'm sorry, what now?
我無家可歸
I'm homeless.
- 所以你住朋友家 - 不 我試過了
- And you're staying on friends' couches? - No, I did that.
你搬去和父母住了
You moved in with your parents?
不 我也試過這樣
No, I did that too.
我...
I'm...
我住在收♥容♥所♥
I live in a shelter.
但你有這麼好的鞋
But you have such nice shoes.
我有一個儲物櫃
I have a locker.
別喫那些東西
Don't eat those.
我們不能像正常人一樣喝咖啡嗎
Come on. Can't we just have coffee like normal people?
等我拍完照
When I'm done.
太好了 妙極了
Bingo. Bingo.
好吧 你能幫忙嗎
Okay, can you help?
我拍不了
I can't get the shot.
- 我很擔心 - 只不過 你介意嗎
- I'm worried. - Just... Do you mind?
不
Nope.
好
Okay.
確保你能拍上這個標誌