When I was 18, a long time ago now,
I had the idea that you found freedom by building worlds inside your head.
That you had to go backwards in order to go forwards.
That little kids had the answers to everything.
When I was 18, I had so many ideas,
I hardly slept at all.
In the summer of 1992,
my friends and I shot a road movie on the streets of Singapore...
that was to become?a kind of urban legend.
That movie was called Shirkers,
a word which means "running away,
I wrote the script and played the heroine,
a 16-year-old killer named S.
Nobody was making movies like that in Singapore.
So, we were pioneers.
The film was a time capsule?of a Singapore
that was both real and imaginary.
Back then, the thing I wanted more than anything was to make a movie.
But I never imagined it would end this way.
Twenty-five years later, I find myself on a strange backward journey,
replaying the past for clues.
Okay, I listened to your tape that you did in your room.
我超愛的 能成爲你的摯友 我感覺很好
I loved it. I like being your best friend.
You're my best friend.
I like knowing that you're around.
I like knowing that we're connected,
that we're partners in crime.
Make me another tape, please.
I miss you.
I learned to stop thinking about that time...
to pretend it never happened...
which was, of course, impossible.
Shirkers became a secret history,
shared by a small group of us.
And it would haunt us
and bond us
and tear us apart.
- Whenever you're ready. - Now.
Jasmine and I were enemies before we were friends.
You thought I was an enemy, but I don't know if I thought you were an enemy.
We stayed enemies until we were 14.
When we were growing up?in the 1980s...
the state and the family were constantly in your face.
一個民族 一個國家 一個新加坡
當時 新加坡管制嚴格 政♥府♥甚至禁止嚼口香糖
Singapore was so uptight, its government even banned chewing gum.
If Americans believe?they are exceptional,
let me tell you,
Singaporeans know we are exceptional.
A sweaty little island in 1965,
Singapore became one of the richest countries in the world by the year 2000.
When Jasmine and I were 14,
we discovered unusual movies and unpopular music.
And as weirdos, we became best friends.
We came from very different backgrounds...
but we were thick as thieves.
My family was intense.
My parents' marriage was collapsing even before I was born,
and so I was raised by my grandparents.
When it rained, our front lawn looked like chocolate milk.
In 1981, my grandfather insisted on having these pictures taken...
because his beloved house was about to be torn down.
In 1985, the house was replaced by this condo.
It still flooded, but it was no longer chocolate milk.
I was always expected to shine.
Which was exhausting.
I needed a way out.
So, of course, I liked Jasmine's family.
They were warm and undemanding
and didn't care?if we built crazy shrines in Jasmine's room.
We had the God of Theater...
and the Goddess of Scriptwriting.
We showed up at school dressed up as nurses.
And I challenged the authorities at the Film Society.
We will certainly try to acquire the films you've requested.
I desperately wanted to make movies.
I gave imaginary interviews as imaginary filmmakers.
Hi, I would like to share with you my movie
Magic Fire Brain, which, uh, is completely original.
There were lots of crowd scenes.
I read American Film and Film Comment religiously.
But it was impossible to see these movies unless I got very creative.
I established a clandestine videotaping syndicate
with my cousin Vicki in Florida...
just so I could watch Blue Velvet.
Jasmine and I devoured what people around us ignored.
We started writing for BigO,
Singapore's underground rock zine, when we were 14.
BigO was run by Philip Cheah, in all his poker-faced glory,
and he would make us tapes of Patti Smith and The Velvet Underground
and quiz us on them before he would let us join their club.
In Singapore, you had very strict censorship across music and film.
謝福龍 《大O》雜♥志♥ 編輯
A lot of the great classic albums were still banned.
We saw the revolution that took place in the UK and in the US,
and we wondered whether that could actually happen here.
We created elaborate collages for BigO,
which they all hated.
I think we were way too punk for them.
They were a lame boy's club anyway.
So it was always us...
against the world.
我們最大的成就之一 就是用國家圖書館的複印機 出版自己的
Our greatest achievement was publishing our own zine, The Exploding Cat...
on the photocopier at the National Library.
Exploding Cat was our attempt to catalog everything that angered us,
that made us laugh.
The Cat became its own thing.
我們收到各地來信 紐約 倫敦
We received letters from New York, London...
even prisons in three different states.
it was a catalog of us.
our tiny island in the center of the world,
charting our own destiny...
The next story is chapter 39.
Hang on, just one more thing.
Back in those days, I was obsessed with The Catcher in the Rye...
and Salinger's idea of saving children.
So I trained my baby cousins to never grow up.
- Wen... - Yes.
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