We are often told
that happily-ever-afters exist only in the pages of fairy tales
and in the naive minds of sheltered innocents.
And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon,
a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend,
proving two things.
Happy endings can come true for anyone.
And America doesn't give a shit about anything.
Do you, Tami-Lynn McCafferty,
take this teddy bear to be your lawfully wedded husband?
And do you, Ted,
take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Fuckin' A right, I do!
Then, by the power vested in me,
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bear.
Thank you, folks. We're going to take a short break
and pass things over to DJ Nightshade.
Ladies and gentlemen, your newlyweds!
Teddy, this is the best day of my life!
I just love you so much.
I love you, too, baby.
I'm gonna go fifty shades of bear on you tonight.
Let's go get shit-faced!
Hey, congrats, you mofos.
Oh, hey, GUY.
Oh. Thank you so much for being a part of it.
Hey, this is my new boyfriend, Rick.
How you doing?
He's a gourmet chef.
So he knows how to toss a salad.
Rick and I are actually about to tie the knot.
Oh, you guys are getting married?
No, we're just gonna go home and tie our dicks together.
-Ha! Fuck you. -Fuck you.
不 不 我說不要滑步舞曲
No! No! I said no Electric Slide.
God damn it, you will not wreck this night
with your forced white people group fun.
Hey, buddy. You okay, there?
You look a little down.
Are you still shaking off that hangover from the bachelor party?
Oh! That's nice.
Oh, my God. She's fucking begging for it!
真的很欠操 上啊 快上啊
She's totally begging. Get it. Get in there.
Look at her. She wants it bad!
Oh, yeah. She wants more than just a fucking pizza delivery, huh?
That's bigger than the average bear right there, I tell you.
You know what's fucked up?
Dude, that's somebody's fucking daughter!
靠 天啊 拜託
Oh, shit! Jesus! Come on!
你知道嗎 強尼 有可能她是他的女兒
You know what, Johnny? It's entirely possible it's his daughter.
That's how it works out there.
I'm fine. I was thinking about Lori.
強尼 振作點 你離婚都半年了
Oh, Johnny, come on, man. It's been six months since you guys got divorced.
I know, I know. It's just that...
Being back in that church again.
I mean, everything seemed like it was gonna be so perfect.
Yeah. Well, you're not the first guy to marry the wrong girl.
聽着 今晚別讓她影響你的心情 好嗎
Hey, listen. Don't let her drag you down tonight, okay?
This is a party.
抱歉 兄弟 我不想搞砸你的大日子
I'm sorry, buddy. I don't mean to mess up your big day.
什麼 別開玩笑了 你不是唯一想搞砸的
What, you kidding? You're not the one messing it up.
Check out Tami-Lynn's asshole brother in the wheelchair.
If you don't dance with me, you're a monster.
Watch it, you fucking tool!
Hey, hey! Big day, huh, bud?
You guys wanna celebrate with a little something else, hmm?
不 謝謝 山姆
Oh. Uh, no, thanks, Sam.
Tami-Lynn would kill me if I did drugs on our wedding day.
Ah, she won't notice.
I just did a line with a dude in the men's room
and I bet you can't even spot him.
Yeah, I'm gonna pass.
Hey, hey. What do you say we do the thing, huh? That'll cheer you up.
-Fuck it, let's do it. -There he is!
注意 各位 請各位看一下這裏好嗎
Attention, everyone. May I have your attention, please.
Johnny and I have prepared something very special for you, here.
Let's have it, fellas!
When you hear the sound of thunder
Don't you get too scared
Just grab your thunder buddy and say these magic words
Ho! Fuck you, thunder!
You can suck my dick
You can't get me thunder
'Cause you're just God's farts
∮ I'm steppin' out with my honey ∮
∮ Can't be bad to feel so good ∮
∮ Never felt quite so sunny ∮
∮ So I keep on knockin' wood ∮
∮ Yeah, steppin' out with my baby ∮
∮ Can't go wrong 'cause I'm in right ∮
∮ Ask me when will the day be ∮
∮ The big day may be tonight ∮
This is the best day of my life!
I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?
I'm curing cancer.
I'm cooking your fucking steak. What do you think I'm doing?
What do I think you're doing?
I think you're bleeding us dry, is what I think you're doing.
你看這 你看這 你在百貨公♥司♥刷了129元
Look at this, look at this. $129 at Filene's Basement.
What are you buying over there, Tami? Gold bars?
I need clothes for work. All right, Teddy?
What do you mean?
You wear a smock, you're a fucking cashier.
Yeah? So are you!
Yeah, exactly! And I'm not going out and buying designer shit!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
You're just buying weed, you're just buying drugs.You should fucking talk!
I was talking. I was just talking, just now, until you interrupted me.
Well, I have to interrupt you or else I never get to fucking say anything!
-Are you gonna let me finish talking? -You're always cutting me off!
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
-Are you gonna let me finish talking? -It's important to look good at work.
I am trying to climb the corporate fence, here!
Nobody's in there to look at your ass!
You're acting like an asshole!
-Oh, what am I acting like, Tami? -You're acting like a fucking asshole!
Like an asshole! That's what you're acting like!
You don't got to dress like Elizabeth Taylor to put a yam in a plastic bag!
I am the face of the business! Okay?
-The face of the business? -So get the fuck off my case!
天啊 說什麼屁話 你有妄想症
Jesus Christ! Listen to you! You're delusional!
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