早 蘭迪 嘿
Morning, Randy. Hi.
-早 早 -早上好
-Morning. Morning. -Good morning.
雪比 焦糖摩卡
Shelby. Caramel mocha.
賈德 你最讚了
Judd. You rock.
謝啦 我贊到不行吧
Thank you. I do rock, don't I?
-賈德 -韋德
-Judd. -Wade.
提神飲料
Aw. Hydration.
喝了再上
It's gonna get me through.
-準備好了 -開始吧
-You ready? -Let's do it.
我明白你會對我說
Now, I understand you're telling me
你覺得修毛髮很同志
that you think it's gay to groom your privates.
你是找哥兒們幫你操剃刀
Now, are you having one of your buddies help you run the razor?
所以纔會很同志
Is that what's making it gay?
硬起來 請說
Man Up. What do you got?
有個NBA老婆因大前鋒老公劈腿
Now we got an NBA wife that's gonna be suing her power-forward husband...
要求分一半的財產
for half of everything because he cheated on her.
人♥妻♥ 認清事實吧
Now, here's the story, toots.
等等 請把收音機關小聲
Hold and turn down your radio, please.
你嫁給這麼個痛宰敵隊的籃球猛♥男♥
...destroying dudes in the paint. Foot and a half of rope in his pants.
我轉給他 如果他有興趣 就會接電♥話♥
I am sending it in to him. If he likes it, he'll pick up the phone.
你不必驚訝他去外地比賽時偷腥
You don't get to be shocked when he gets road tail in Cleveland at an away game.
別異想天開了
Stop chasing 10s.
找個恐龍妹玩玩
Bang a 4, bang a 5.
看她們臉上的感激 你會是她們最銷魂的回憶
Look at the gratitude on their face. You be the best part of their year.
點酒要像個男人 幫幫忙
Order like a man. Can you do us all that favor?
點杯波本或威士忌不加冰塊
Get yourself a bourbon or a whiskey neat.
那你幹嘛投給他
Then why did you vote for him?!
幹嘛投給他 沒人逼你 你有拿錢
Why did you vote for him?! No one made you! Did you get paid?!
有人給你500元
Did someone give you $500?!
韋德 真精彩 我們能過一下聯播數據嗎
Wade, great show. Can we go over some syndication numbers, pal?
現在不好 我累攤了
Can we not do that now? I'm wiped, man.
我要回家午睡 我再打給你
Gotta get home and take a nap. I'll call you. Okay?
好 你回家休息 我替你加總這些
Yeah, great. You go home. Get some rest. I'll consolidate these for you.
買♥♥到了
How'd it turn out?
-她一定會很愛 -好棒哦 謝啦
-She's gonna love it. -Nice. Thank you for that.
多快能讓我閃人
How soon can you get me out of here?
1點有財務會議 3點讓你提早回家
Financials at 1. I can have you home early by 3.
-保證 -保證
-Promise? -Promise.
昆茵
Quinn?
昆茵
Quinn.
好耶 寶貝 爽死了 昆茵
Come on, baby, come on. Fuck! Quinn!
-噢 耶 -噢
-Oh, yeah, yeah! -Oh!
-哦 爽 -用力點 耶
-Oh, shit! -Harder! Yeah!
韋德 韋德 耶
Wade! Wade! Yeah! Unh!
現在是聊數據的好時機嗎
Would now be a great time to go over those numbers?
我的天啊
Oh, my God!
-多久了 -賈德
-How long? -Judd.
-多久了 -一年
-How long?! -A year.
第一次
This is the first time.
第一次側着搞
On our sides.
多久了
How long?
一年了 賈德
A year, Judd.
守喪七日情
昆茵來電 拒絕接聽
現在不方便 溫迪
It's not a good time, Wendy.
爸走了
Dad's dead.
什麼
What?
他一小時前斷氣了
He died about an hour ago.
不會吧 等一下
No, no, no. Hang on.
醫生說他還有些時間
They said that he had more time.
顯然沒有了
Yeah, well, apparently he didn't.
要命 媽還好嗎
Shit. How's Mom?
你懂媽 她問我要賞護士多少小費
She's Mom. You know. She asked me how much to tip the nurses.
聽着 另一件事
Listen, there's something else:
爸要我們服喪七日
Dad wants us to sit shiva.
爸死了
Dad's dead.
對 顯然是服喪的最佳時機
Yeah. Apparently that's the optimal time to do it.
我吩咐三次來拔掉這爛管子
I asked them three times to remove this awful tube.
給他一點尊嚴嘛
I mean, give the man his dignity.
我搞不懂服喪七日
I don't understand the shiva.
媽又不信猶太教 爸是無神論者
Mom's not even Jewish, and Dad was an atheist.
猶太無神論者 這是他的遺願
A Jewish atheist. And this is what he wanted.
我要自己動手
I'm just gonna do it myself.
媽 沒關係 讓護士來
No. It's okay, Mom. Let the nurses do it.
難不成我會謀殺親夫
What am I gonna do? Kill him?
媽 別管了
Mommy, leave it!
反正他交代媽這個遺願
I don't know, Judd. This is what he told Mom he wanted.
保羅也同意了
And Paul is on board with it.
我還沒聯絡到菲利普
And I haven't managed to track down Phillip yet.
希望他會看短消息
Hopefully, he'll check his texts.
好
Okay.
要死啦 媽
Jesus, fuck, Mom!
好多了 不是嗎
It's better, don't you think?
媽 把他放下 別碰他了
Mommy, put him down. Stop touching him.
-賈德 -嘿 媽
-Judd. -Hi, Mom.
兒子 昆茵呢
Where's Quinn, honey?
她健身受傷造成椎間盤突出
She's got a bulging disk because of a gym accident.
-天哪 她還好吧 -沒事
-My God. Is she all right? -She's fine.
醫生給她一堆止痛藥
The doctors have her on pain medication.
她痛到來不了
She was devastated she couldn't be here.
-好慘 -他在那兒
-No, of course. -There he is, huh?
想哭就哭 兒子
It's okay to cry, honey.
-謝謝 -想笑也行
-Thank you. -Or laugh.
-沒一定要怎麼樣 -好
-There's no correct response. -Okay.
我想站在這裏默哀就好
I thought maybe I would just stand here quietly in sad reflection. You know?
-琳達 -嘿 親愛的
-Linda. -Hi, sweetie.
-嘿 -嘿
-Hi. -Hi.
-嘿 保羅 -賈德 你好嗎
-Hey, Paul. -Judd. How are you?
-嘿 嫂子 -嘿 賈德
-Hi, sweetheart. -Hey, Judd. Hi.
嘿 瞧這寶寶
Hello. Look at this.
妹 忙到沒手呢
Hi, sis. Got your hands full, huh?
-椎間盤突出 沒搞錯 -隨便
-A bulging disk? Seriously? -Yep.
你得跟媽說昆茵的事
You have to tell Mom about Quinn.
我還沒準備好 她好像不太一樣
I'm not ready yet. What's different about her?
是假胸 她去動刀提胸
It's the boobs. She had a little touch-up.
她又有籤書巡迴《襁褓那碼事》25週年
She's going on another book tour. Twenty-fifth anniversary of Cradle and All.
天助我們也 嘿 巴瑞 嘿 老兄
God help us. Hey, Barry. Hey, pal.
-不是吧 專心點 -哇 搞什麼 開玩笑嗎
-Seriously? Pay attention. -Whoa. What, are you kidding me?
向大舅子打招呼 他很慘
Say hello to your brother-in-law. He's bereaved.
-抱歉 我沒看到你 -很高興見到你
-Sorry, I didn't see you. -Good to see you.
-你好 小不點 -媽在車上說"靠"
-What's up, little man? -Mommy said "shit" in the car.
-靠 -對
-"Shit"? -Yeah.
-你喝多啦 -對
-Oh. Have you been drinking all day? -Yeah.
一早就酗酒罵人 模範媽媽
So we started out with a little booze and profanity, Mom?
早上好 各位
Good morning, everybody.
摩特·阿特曼不熱衷儀式
Mort Altman was not a fan of ritual.
爲了尊敬他 我簡短誦讀一首聖詩
So, in deference to him, I'm gonna limit myself to a single psalm.
好嗎
Okay?
耶♥和♥華♥是我牧者 我必不至匱乏
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
他使我躺臥...
He maketh me to lie down...
他使我躺臥在青草地上
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
慘了...慘了
Shit! Shit, shit, shit.
慘了...慘了
Shit, shit, shit.
慘了
Shit.
慘了
Shit.
借過 借過 嘿 帕克先生
Excuse me. Excuse me. Hey, Mr. Parker.
-媽 -菲利普 你來了
-Mommy. -Phillip. You came.
我當然會來
Of course I came.
嘿 嘿 偷偷擊掌...偷偷擊掌
Hey, hey. Low five, low five, low five.
考拉熊 嘿
Koala Bear. Hey.
-老哥 -你好嗎
-Hey, man. -How you doing?