下一個就是你
傑拉德·萊託
油量低
加油
彭德爾頓大學
播音中
菲莉希婭
校園裏有瘋子嗎
彭德爾頓校報 校園裏有瘋子嗎
碳酸鋰[抗抑鬱劑]
山湖高中
隊長 米歇爾·曼西尼 娜塔莉·西蒙
都市傳說百科大全
是不是很慶幸你昨晚沒開燈
想約炮的校園哥特男 來找我吧
想約炮的校園哥特男 來找我吧
我們走在相似的黑暗之路上
喜歡什麼
碳酸鋰
對我胃口
達蒙·布魯克斯
你在哪
就在附近
真會逗人
去做準備
告訴我你在哪個屋
你屋裏
是不是很慶幸你昨晚沒開燈
隊長 米歇爾·曼西尼 娜塔莉·西蒙
4月23日週五 ΩΣΦ年度屠♥殺♥狂歡
唯一倖存者威廉·威克斯勒
斯坦利堂大屠♥殺♥
1973年4月24日
嚴重損傷車胎
唯一倖存者威廉·威克斯勒
達蒙·布魯克斯
緊急電♥話♥
青年因黑幫入會儀式致死
您正在收聽薩莎《揭祕》節目
You're listening to "Under the Covers" with Sasha...
WZAB電臺 彭德爾頓大學之聲
on WZAB, the voice of Pendleton University.
-與我們連線的依然是... -簡
- We're still talking to- - Jane.
二年級學生
Sophomore.
你一直在偷你室友的避孕藥
So, you've been stealing your roommate's birth control pills?
只是借啦
Borrowing, okay?
她之前一直沒發現
Well, she never noticed before
因爲我總用嬰兒阿司匹林偷換掉
because I've always replaced them with baby aspirin.
-什麼 -嬰兒阿司匹林 看上去一樣
- With what? - Baby aspirin. Looks exactly the same.
總之 現在她懷孕了 必須得離校
Anyway, so now she's pregnant and has to leave school.
這學期都開學這麼久了 我要去哪找新室友啊
How the hell am I gonna get a new roommate this late in the semester?
天吶
Oh, my God!
下一位來電者
Next caller.
糟糕
Oh, no.
該死
Shit.
一定堅持住啊
Okay, please make it.
沒...沒油了嗎
Run outta gas?
是啊 請加滿
Yeah. Fill it up, please.
怪胎
Freak show.
小...姐
Miss,
能麻煩你...進來一下嗎
could you come inside... for a minute? Please!
怎麼了
What is it?
你的信♥用♥卡♥...公♥司♥打來電♥話♥
Your credit card company's on the phone.
有問題嗎
Is there a problem?
他們想...跟你說句話
They wanna... speak with you.
好 等一下
Okay, hold on a minute.
該死
Shit.
喂
Hello?
不要 別碰我
No, don't touch me!
放手
Let me go!
別走
Stop!
車後座上...有人
Someone's in the back seat!
您在收聽薩莎《揭祕》節目
You're listening to "Under the Covers" with Sasha...
WZAB電臺 彭德爾頓大學之聲
on WZAB, the voice of Pendleton University.
來電者
Caller.
喂
Hello?
我在聽
I'm right here.
菲莉希婭 有什麼可以幫你的嗎
Felicia, how can I help you?
說來有點不好意思
Well, it's kind of embarrassing.
說吧 菲莉希婭
Spit it out, Felicia.
問題就在這裏 我沒吐出來[精♥液♥]
Well, that's just the problem. I mean, I didn't.
喝了杯大學男生蛋白質奶昔嗎
Had yourself a little frat boy protein shake, did ya?
薩莎 我覺得好惡心啊
Sasha, I've been feeling so sick.
我發誓 感覺它們就在我體內游來游去
I mean, I swear, I can feel them swimming inside me.
我應該去洗個胃什麼的嗎
Should I like, get my stomach pumped or something?
菲莉希婭 我覺得你只需要
Felicia, I think the only thing you need
把你腦子裏進的水排掉
pumped is the air out of your head.
首先 我要恭喜你
First, let me just congratulate you
選擇的性♥交♥方式
on your choice of sexual activity...
因爲外面的世界還沒準備好迎接你生下來的智障
because, sweetie, the world is not ready for you to reproduce.
第二 你知不知道攝入對方的體液
Second, did you know that ingestion of bodily fluids...
是安全愛愛的大忌
is a major safe sex no-no?
-真的嗎 -真的哦
- Really? - Really.
我建議你喝幾杯消化液...
My suggestion is that you down a couple shots of Pepto...
下次 趁火山爆發之前及時撤離
and next time, get away from the volcano before it erupts.
今晚到此爲止
That wraps up the another night.
這裏是薩莎《揭祕》節目
This is Sasha signing off on WZAB.
帕克 薩莎到底是怎麼想出這些東西來的
Parker, how exactly does Sasha come up with this stuff?
她會倒背每一♥期♥《時尚》雜♥志♥
She devours every issue of "Cosmo".
-奉爲聖經 -謝謝
- Calls it her Bible. - Thank you.
帕克
So, Parker...
把斯坦利堂的故事說完啊
finish the story about Stanley Hall.
好吧
Right.
有個人...
So, this guy...
大概25年前吧 是學校裏的一名教授
he was a professor on campus, maybe 25 years ago.
他教什麼的
What did he teach?
不知道 物理之類的
I don't know. Physics or some shit.
變♥態♥心理學
Abnormal psychology.
如果你想把這故事講對的話
You know, if you wanna tell the story right-
這不是重點 小記者
Not the point of the story, paperboy!
但好吧 那就變♥態♥心理學吧
But fine. Abnormal psych it is.
總之...
Anyhoo...
這傢伙突然瘋了
this guy, he just flips out, you know?
完全發狂了
Goes completely berserk.
他拿了一把獵刀...
Grabs a hunting knife...
大步走進了斯坦利堂
and he strolls into Stanley Hall.
一扇一扇門地敲過去
Bangs on every door.
只要有學生來應門
And every student that answers their door...
他就用那把小獵刀 割斷他們的喉嚨
he takes that little knife, and he cuts their throat...
一刀拉到耳朵根
ear to ear.
他走遍了整層樓
Yeah. He does away with an entire floor...
最後將那把刀
before finally stabbing himself
直接捅進了心臟
straight through the heart.
所以...
And thus...
纔有一年一度的ΩΣΦ狂歡
the annual Omega Sigma Phi bash.
你們舉辦狂歡派對來紀念一場大屠♥殺♥嗎
So you have a frat party to commemorate a massacre?
沒錯
You betcha.
帕克 我問問清楚
Parker, let me get this straight.
25年前 這件事發生時
When this happened 25 years ago...
你是名大二學生嗎
you were a sophomore.
真好笑
That's funny.
這不過是東北部
Well, it's a bullshit story
每所學校都會流傳的瞎扯傳說
you hear on every campus in the northeast.
謝謝你 有證據嗎
Thank you. I mean, where's the proof?
問題就在這裏
You see, that's the thing.
彭德爾頓大學知道出了這種事...
Pendleton knew damn well that enrollment...
以後招生肯定不好辦
would suffer permanently.
於是就跟全國新聞媒體和
So, in cahoots with the national news media
其他各種當權者串通好...
and various other powerful-
比如李·哈維·奧斯瓦爾德嗎
Like Lee Harvey Oswald?
涉嫌刺殺肯尼迪總統
還是傑克·魯比Or is it Jack Ruby?
殺害了李·哈維·奧斯瓦爾德
不 我知道是誰
No, I know who it was.
就是那個喜歡穿着
It was that F.B.I. guy who used to...
女人底褲到處跑的聯調局探員
used to prance around in women's underwear.
是他掩蓋了一切
He covered it all up.
新聞編輯室找我 我得走了
That's the news room. I gotta go.
忙着呢
Get a life.
-保羅 -怎麼了
- Hey, Paul! - Yeah.
走之前 要是食堂又爆發大腸桿菌了...
Before you go, if there's another E. Coli crisis in the cafeteria...
我請你喫個最大最美味的漢堡
I want you to have the biggest, juiciest burger on me.
好啊