劇集 | 好漢兩個半（2003） | 導航列表
Tell me, Henry,
why do you want to be Mr. Schmidt's assistant?
He's my hero.
I know everything about him.
And why do you think you're qualified?
Like him, I graduated high school at 16.
Then I completed the four-year computer science program
at Harvard in just under two years,
during which, I founded an Internet startup,
and I'm currently two semesters shy of my law degree.
So, "No law degree."
Let me tell you a few things
about Walden Schmidt you may not know.
Uh, the man is a genius. I knew that.
"Likes to interrupt."
He thinks in a different way than the rest of us.
His mind is always working.
Every time he opens his mouth,
it's because he has something important to say.
Love the new toilet paper you bought, Alan.
It's like sliding down a rainbow.
Except the pot at the end doesn't have any gold in it.
When you hear something this good,
you should write it down.
I'm sorry. Who's this?
Oh, this is, uh, Henry Johnson.
He's interviewing for the assistant job.
Uh, assistant job?
Hi, Mr. Schmidt.
It's such an honor...
It's okay, Henry.
Alan, can I talk to you for a second.
Uh, no problem, Mr. Schmidt.
Not looking good, Hank.
Why are you interviewing Henry to be my assistant
when I just hired you to be my assistant?
Oh, no, no, he's interviewing to be my assistant.
Well, intern, actually.
He's not gonna cost us a penny,
and he's gonna do all the menial stuff I don't want to do.
Well, why don't I just hire him for free
and cut out the middle man?
And in case I'm going too fast,
you're the middle man.
But I'm the big picture guy.
See, bringing Henry on to Team Schmidt...
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Team Schmidt?
Yeah, I'm gonna get hats and shirts made.
Well, Henry is.
We're gonna have a new slogan.
You're a Schmidt head.
I hired you to be my assistant to help you out financially
'cause you had close your chiropractic office.
I didn't have to close it; I'm in a rent dispute.
People in rent disputes don't fake their own death.
Oh, I'll get that.
You are looking good today, boss.
That's why he got good toilet paper.
So my ass is clean while he's kissing it.
Huh, my 12:00 must be early.
Someone who really wanted this job
would've taken the initiative.
Too late, Harvard.
Hi. You Alan Harper?
Yes, I am. And, uh, and you are...?
That's a... that's a pretty name.
Is that Dutch?
No, I'm Jenny.
I'm your brother Charlie's daughter.
Uh, Henry? Yes?
I'm sorry, did-did you say that you're... Charlie's daughter?
抱歉 你說... 你說你是查理的女兒嗎
Listen, I got a wicked hangover.
You got any aspirin, ibuprofen,
rum, Scotch, tequila, vodka?
朗姆酒 威士忌 龍舌蘭 或伏特加嗎
Uh, yeah, yeah, come on in.
Uh, Henry, uh, get her an aspirin and vodka.
Kitchen's that way. Damn it!
I-I can't believe this.
I mean, I can, but I-I can't.
I mean, how did this happen?
From what my mom told me...
Ooh, can we... can we maybe turn down the lights?
That's the sun.
Right, I hate the sun.
It's like God calling you an alcoholic.
Anyway, according to my mom,
it was love at first sight.
They met in a bar,
they got drunk and had sex in the bathroom.
It was like a freakin' Disney movie.
And where did the kid go for the vodka? Poland?
Look, I don't mean to be rude,
but how do I know that you're really Charlie's daughter?
I mean, this could be some kind of scam.
I have a picture of us together.
It's in here somewhere.
Oh, wait, that's not mine.
Oh, that's mine.
Ah, there you go.
This was taken at my fourth birthday party.
Just a heads up, I might vomit;
where's the nearest bathroom?
Oh, right down the hall.
Okay, I think we're good,
but it's always nice to have a plan.
Anyway, this was party was the last time I saw him.
After that, he just sent checks.
He-he sent checks?
Yeah, my mom didn't want him to have anything to do with me,
but he always made sure I was taken care of.
He never said a word about any of this to me.
I'm his brother, his-his blood.
Were they big checks?
Yeah, got one every month.
劇集 | 好漢兩個半（2003） | 導航列表